S
ome gifts look adorable and attractive, which makes people wonder what is in it, but
once they open it, they may lose their interest quickly and feel disappointed. Others
look ordinary, unremarkable, and without much decorations, but they may surprise
people as they can bring them happiness, love, and hope. Like all gifts, marriage is a
mystery. In Virginia Woolf’s To the Lighthouse, Mr. Ramsay and Mrs. Ramsay are a
lovely couple and they are faithful to each other, but their relationship seems to be
faded as the time passes.
Mr. Ramsay and Mrs. Ramsay have almost an opposite personality, which
causes many intangible problems in their relationship. If there are two words that can
describe Mr. Ramsay and Mrs. Ramsay, I will use “rationality” and “sensibility”. Mr.
Ramsay is incapable of untruth. He has the spirit of pursuing the truth and the courage
to face his cold reality. In contrast, Mrs. Ramsay is totally different from him. She treats
her child and people around her kindly and she always considers other people’s feelings
and tries to help them without hesitation. Because their ways of thinking are different, it
is difficult for both to understand each other. When Mr. Ramsay compliment the flow-
ers, “At that moment he said, ‘Very fine,’ to please her, and pretended to admire the
flowers. But she knew quite well that he did not admire them, or even realize that they
were there. It was only to please her…”, which shows a sense of distance between Mr.
Ramsay and Mrs. Ramsay. Although this act reflects Mr. Ramsay’s concern and love
toward Mrs. Ramsay, unfortunately Mrs. Ramsay can’t get warm from Mr. Ramsay and
sometimes even feel alienated lonely and not understood. On the other hand, Mr.
Ramsay behaves like a hard stone, hardly affected by his own emotions and others’
feelings. The book describes him as “a person that never altered a disagreeable word to
suit the pleasure or convenience of any mortal being, least of all of his own children,
who sprung from his loins, should be aware from childhood that life is difficult”, which
indicates his cold and indifferent nature. But at the same time, he yearns Mrs. Ramsay’s
comforting, encouragement, and sympathy: “There he stood, demanding sympathy. He
wanted sympathy. He was a failure, he said” (Pg27, Virginia Woolf), Since Mr. Ramsay
is lack of sympathy and Mrs. Ramsay is too self-pitying, the crack will appear over
their relationship inevitably.
In addition to their different nature, they also express their love in a distinct way,
which cause their weak and fragile relationship. Mr. Ramsay constantly asks for sympa-
thy and others’ recognition in order to maintain his self-worth and self-esteem. As a