O
ur schools are a hotbed
of triangulation. The
dynamic dance between
student, parent(s), and
school can produce high
drama. On the other hand, the dance
can also be one of empowerment, if
we work consciously to cultivate a set
of relationships that I refer to as *The
Empowerment Dynamic – or TED*.
Since the beginning of time, the
default orientation of humanity has
been that of the Victim. Living in an
often hostile and dangerous world, we
human beings have honed the fight,
flight, or freeze reaction to our life
experience.
Transactional
Analysis
pioneer
and psychiatrist Stephen Karpman,
MD, has observed that most human
dynamics involve three roles – that of
Victim; Persecutor (or Perpetrator);
and Rescuer – which result in
what he described as the “Drama
Triangle.” In The Power of TED*
(*The Empowerment Dynamic), this
triangulation is referred to as the
Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)
because of the toxic nature of the
relationships that thrive in such an
environment.
The Victim, which is the central figure
in the drama, sees life as happening to
them and believes they are powerless
in the face of the onslaught of the
problems they encounter. In order to be
a Victim, one must have a Persecutor.
The Persecutor is very often a person,
but it can also be a condition (maybe
an illness) or a circumstance (perhaps
a natural disaster). When a Victim
encounters a Persecutor, they then look
around for a Rescuer to save them or, at
least, to alleviate their suffering.
In the context of our education systems,
we can see this dynamic play out in
a variety of ways. The student often
assumes the role of Victim. Depending
on the particular circumstances, the
school (be that a teacher, principal,
or the school system itself) and
"
the parent(s) can alternate between
Persecutor and Rescuer. For example,
an elementary school student may get
in trouble for excessive socializing
in class and the teacher (Persecutor)
sends the student to the principal or
assigns detention. The student then
complains to the parent, saying the
discipline is unfair, and the parent
(Rescuer) intervenes in an attempt to
lessen the punishment.
TOGETHER PARENTS
AND THE SCHOOL
CAN PARTNER –
AS COACHES AND
CHALLENGERS – TO
CREATE STRUCTURES
AND SYSTEMS THAT
SUPPORT THE STUDENT
IN HIS OR HER GROWTH
AND DEVELOPMENT.
"
This is but one example and there are
countless others we could recount. Of
course, both parents and the school
can also take the Victim position,
for instance when one feels unduly
criticized or made to blame for the
circumstances the student faces. When
it comes to the current state of many
school systems, it seems that everyone
is chasing everyone else around
the triangle with almost everyone
considering themselves the Victim.
There is a subtle and powerful
seduction in being a powerless Victim.
Besides being a great way to elicit pity
and assistance from others, the role
of Victim reinforces the belief that
one is not responsible (i.e. unable to
respond) toward what is going on in
their lives. The Victim becomes the
star of their own drama. This position
lets the victim avoid responsibility
for their life since, as far as they are
concerned, they are not the cause of
such occurrences and, therefore, it’s
not their fault!
However, the real question is not
“whose fault is it?” The essential
questions are, “What do we want in
this situation?” and “Who do we want
to help the student become?” These
questions are the basis of what our
educational systems inherently are
about: preparing pupils to become
college and/or work ready and helping
them form a healthy sense of self
identity.
Such questions, along with the
perspective that the education system
stands to support the student in
preparing for a life of contribution as
a citizen and consumer, can only be
answered if we can cultivate a triangle
of relationships that create a context of
empowerment. We need an antidote to
the toxic stew of the Dreaded Drama
Triangle (DDT) and its Victim,
Persecutor and Rescuer roles. TED*
(*The Empowerment Dynamic), and its
alternative roles of Creator, Challenger
and Coach, serves as such a remedy.
The Creator is the central role in The
Empowerment Dynamic. When this
role is consciously chosen, one claims
and taps into his or her capacity to
choose their response to their life
circumstances. They also own their
responsibility and contribution to
their current circumstances. This role
is result- and goal-oriented, focused
on desired outcomes. Along the way,
a Creator invariably meets up with
the Challenger, which is the antidote
to the role of Persecutor. Creators
welcome Challengers. Creators are
able to transform their perspective
toward difficulties with people,
conditions and/or circumstances into
challenges to be met, understood, and
(whenever possible) overcome. The
Challenger calls forth a Creator’s will
and ability to create, often spurring
him or her to learn new skills, make
difficult decisions, and do whatever is
necessary to achieve a dream or desire.
In order to more effectively move
toward their dreams and desires, a
Creator can benefit greatly by having
in their life a Coach, which is the
antidote to the role of the Rescuer.
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