Re - Creations Quarterly 2015 Winter Edition Volume III | 页面 4

Re - Creations Quarterly
You are free to create or re-create yourself, your life, your destiny

This article is contributed by
Rachel Grant is the owner and
founder of Rachel Grant
Coaching and is a Sexual
Abuse Recovery Coach. She is
also the author of Beyond
Surviving: The Final Stage in
Recovery from Sexual
Abuse. She works with survivors of childhood sexual abuse
who are beyond sick and tired
of feeling broken, unfixable,
and burdened by the past. She
helps them let go of the pain
of abuse and finally feel normal.
Her program, Beyond Surviving, has been specifically designed to change the way we
think about and heal from
abuse. Based on her educational training, study of neuroscience, and lessons learned
from her own journey, she has
successfully used this program
since 2007 to help her clients
break free from the past and
move on with their lives.
Rachel holds an M.A. in Counseling Psychology. She provides a compassionate and
challenging approach for her
clients while using coaching as
opposed to therapeutic models. She is also a member of
the International Coach Federation & San Francisco Coaches.

What’s to Gain? Contributed by Rachel Grant
When we experience abuse, two things are usually occurring. We gain irrational beliefs, pain, anger,
distrust ... and we lose a relationship, security, freedom, energy, joy. Recovery is about the journey
of bringing back to life all of those things that were lost, deadened, beaten out of you—but not
destroyed—as a result of the abuse.
A common thread that ties us to each other as survivors of abuse is the desire to stop certain
thoughts or behaviors. We are often focused on what we want to “cut out” rather than what we
want to “add in” when we initially start the journey of recovery.
However, I encourage you to spend time reflecting on what it is you would like to “get back” that
was lost as a result of the abuse. Knowing what you want to “add in” will get you much further along
than focusing on what it is you want to “cut out.”
Why is that? Starting a behavior is much easier than stopping a behavior! If we think of a
behavior or thought as something we have to “stop,” we struggle more. I think being told or telling
ourselves to “stop” just triggers our inner two-year-olds, and we stubbornly refuse to cooperate.
For example, one client wanted to stop feeling extreme anger every time her boyfriend failed her in
some way. As we worked together, we discovered that one of the things she had lost as a result of
childhood abuse was the ability to trust that she could depend on others. We shifted away from
talking about how to stop being angry and instead focused on what she would need to start thinking
or doing in order to trust others. She learned new communication skills. She started looking for
times when the boyfriend came through rather than focusing only on the mistakes (which were
actually few and far between). She also started to challenge the belief that others would always let
her down.
After two months, she was able to respond to being let down or disappointed in a healthy way minus
the excessive anger. For example, rather than blowing up when her boyfriend did not come through
for her, she would use breathing techniques to calm her body and mind, journal about how she felt
in the situation, and then communicate to him the impact his choice had on her and explore options
to avoid a similar situation in the future.
As I was thinking about this, I came across this acronym for people who want to stop smoking:
S = Set a quit date.
T = Tell family, friends, and co-workers that you plan to quit.
A = Anticipate and plan for the challenges you will face while quitting.
R = Remove cigarettes and other tobacco products from your home, car, and work.
T = Talk to your doctor about getting help to quit.
START! While the outcome is ending the behavior of smoking, the path to getting there is to start.
Reflection—answer these questions:
Can you think of at least one thing you would like to “get back” that the experience of abuse has
taken away? What would you like to “bring back to life”? What would be present in your life if you
were living instead of surviving?
When the journey gets hard, come back to this list to remind yourself what you are fighting for, what is to
gain by doing the work of recovery. www.rachelgrantcoaching.com

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