1 - specail day
Over breakfast one morning , a woman said to her husband , “ I bet you don ’ t know what day this is .” “ Of course I do ,” hethe doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door , she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses . At 1PM , a foil wrapped , two-pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived . Later , a boutique delivered a designer dress . The woman couldn ’ t wait for her husband to come home . exclaimed . “ I ’ ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day .
2 - Bigger Breasts
A couple has been married for many years , and one day the man tells his wife that he wishes she had bigger breasts . “ But how am I going to get bigger breasts ?” she asks . “ That ’ s simple ”, he says , “ Just rub your breasts with toilet paper every day ”. “ And that would do it ?” the surprised wife wonders . “ Well ,” answers the husband , “ it sure did work on your
3 - Rich hooker
One day a man went on a business trip to Florida . He had seen this hooker and he asked , “ How much for a hand job ?” The hooker replied , “ 100 Bucks .” The man said “ 100 Bucks , that ’ s a lot of got damn money .” So the hooker pulled him to the side and said , “ See that Mercedes , I paid for that by giving hand jobs .” So he gave her the money and received the best hand he had ever had . The next day he sees her and asks , “ How much for a head job ?” She said , “ 200 dollars .” “ 200 dollars , that ’ s a lot of money .”
She pulled him to the side and said , “ You see that yacht by the pier , I paid for that yacht by giving head jobs .” So he gives her the money , and gets the best head job of his life On his last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says “ The hand job was good , the head job was great , how much for the whole package .” “ 1000 dollars .’ “ 1000 dollars that ’ s a lot of god damn money .” So she pulled him to side and said , “ You see that island , I could afford that if I had a vagina .”
4 - watergate honeymoon
A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington . The bride is concerned , and asks , “ What if the place is still bugged ?” The groom says , “ I ’ ll look for a bug .” He looks behind the drapes , behind the pictures , under the rug . Finally , he says , screws . He gets his Swiss army knife , unscrews the screws , throws them and the disc out the window . The next morning , the hotel manager asks the newlyweds , “ How was your room ? How was the service ? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel ?” The groom says , “ Why are you asking me all of these questions ?” The hotel manager says , “ Well , the couple in the room UNDER you complained that the chandelier fell on them .”
5 - honesty
An investment counselor decided to go out on her own . She was shrewd and diligent , so business kept coming in , and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel . She began to interview young lawyers . “ As I ’ m sure you can understand ,” she started off with one of must be beyond question .” She leaned forward . “ Mr . Peterson , are you an honest lawyer ?” “ Honest ?” replied the job prospect . “ Let me tell you something about honest . Why , I ’ m so honest that my father lent me $ 15,000 for my education , and I paid back every penny the minute I tried “ Impressive . And what sort of case was that ?” The lawyer squirmed in his sit and admitted , “ He sued me for the money ” 10