Miliband announces plan Banking
Competition
to introduce even more
banks to screw you over Critics of the
plan say that
this will merely allow a number of
US banks to enter the highly
lucrative UK high street sector.
Labour leader Ed Miliband has
announced a policy that will see
the creation of even more
financial organisations to tell you,
‘No, you can’t have the money’. One UK banking customer told
us, “I heard that in the US, after
The announcement comes as
they get you to fill in all the
Miliband seeks to find ways of
forms, and just before they tell
increasing the competition among you they’d rather set fire to
organisations whose sole purpose themselves than lend you the
is to deny you access to what is
money for a new car, they give
essentially your own money
you a free pen?”
anyway.
“We see it as critical to the
ongoing success of the banking
sector that new banks are given
the opportunity to act like
despicable scumbags to people
when they really need their help,”
Miliband told reporters.
“The current banks have had it
their own way for far too long,
and I am confident that new blood
into the sector will help redefine
the ways that banks can make you
feel like a tiny worthless piece of
sh*t.”
“We don’t get anything like that
level of service over here, so this
plan can only be good for the UK
consumer.”
Banking organisations from all
over the world are expected to bid
for the right to fleece UK
customers when the Miliband-led
fire-sale begins.
Several Italian families have also
expressed an interest in offering
lending facilities to UK
customers, and the Labour leader
is said to be considering an offer
that is “too good to refuse”.