Expand Your Capacity for Growth and Learning
Program Success 11 April 2023
In our lives as adults , however , playing the victim not only acts as a smokescreen ( keeping us from taking responsibility and feeling our real emotions ), it also causes a great deal of harm in relationships , at work , with our health , and much more .
Asking yourself why something is happening for you instead of to you doesn ’ t mean we have to like what ’ s happening , necessarily . It also isn ’ t about blaming ourselves . This is about consciously choosing to look for the gold , see the lesson , and take a growth mindset approach to the circumstances and situations that show up in our lives .
While feeling like a victim is normal and common for us as human beings , it never leads us to greater awareness , joy , or happiness . The more willing we are to take responsibility for what shows up in our lives and to look for what we can learn from all that we experience , the more likely we are to heal , change , and transform in the positive way that we truly want .
Expand Your Capacity for Growth and Learning
Here are a few things you can think about and do to let go of victimhood and expand your capacity for growth and learning :
1 ) Notice when and where you feel like a victim .
Pick a specific area of your life , or a specific situation or relationship , where you currently feel that it ’ s not fair , or it shouldn ’ t be this way , or you find yourself asking , why is this happening to me ? While you may have more than one area or example of this in your life right now , it works best to focus on one area at a time . Notice what you think and say about this situation – to yourself and others . Most important , tap into how you ’ re truly feeling about it . Remember , victimhood is always a smokescreen – keeping us away from our authentic and vulnerable feelings . When we ’ re able to acknowledge and ultimately experience and express how we truly feel , things can start to shift .
2 ) Ask yourself the question , “ Why is this happening FOR me ?”
Related to this specific situation , asking yourself why it is happening for you is something that can put you in a different and healthier inquiry about what ’ s really going on . Again , you don ’ t have to like what ’ s happening , but you can appreciate it ( which means recognize the value of it ). What are you learning ? What is it forcing you to deal with , let go of , heal , or confront in your life ? Another good question to ask yourself along these same lines is , What good is here that I ’ m currently not seeing ? The more willing you are to look deeply at and learn from this situation , and the less energy you put into being at the mercy of it , the more power you ’ ll have in dealing with it and growing in the process .
3 ) Talk to others authentically .
While we often commiserate with other people , it ’ s a better idea to share how we authentically feel ( in a vulnerable way ) and to engage in an inquiry with people we trust about why this situation may be happening for us . Others are often able to see and hear things we don ’ t . Leaning on the people in our life , talking to them in a real way , and asking for their support and feedback can help us move through the difficulty , find the gold , and deepen your learning – especially when we ’ re dealing with something challenging or painful . The less we share our issues with others looking for them to agree with our story of woe , and the more we share what we ’ re going through with a desire for support and empowerment ; the more likely we are to heal , grow , and evolve .
Letting go of victimhood is not the easiest thing for us to do – most of us have years and years of experience . However , with compassion , consciousness , and a willingness to ask ourselves why things are happening for us ( and not to us ), we can liberate ourselves from victimhood in a beautiful and powerful way .
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