Why is This Happening FOR Me ?
Victimhood vs . Responsibility
Why is This Happening FOR Me ?
Do you ever ask yourself the question , “ Why is this happening to me ?” Most of us do , especially when things aren ’ t going the way we want them to or we ’ re dealing with something that ’ s difficult or painful .
Why is This Happening FOR Me ?
A number of years ago when I was going through a really hard time my friend Brian said , “ If you change the word ‘ to ’ to the word ‘ for ’ in that question , it can change your life .”
When Brian said this , it really resonated with me . I never forgot it . So , instead of asking ourselves , “ Why is this happening TO me ?” we can instead ask , “ Why is this happening FOR me ?”
There ’ s a world of difference in these two questions . The first one leads us down a path of victimhood , martyrdom , or feeling as though there ’ s something wrong with us . The second one takes us in a direction of deeper growth , awareness , and responsibility .
Victimhood vs . Responsibility
Sadly , it often seems easier and is definitely more encouraged by the world around us to choose “ Door # 1 ” ( victimhood ), than it is to choose “ Door # 2 ” ( growth and responsibility ).
Why is this ? We live in a culture that celebrates and reinforces victimhood . And while there are clearly people in our world who are genuinely victimized , the majority of the time that you and I act , talk , and feel like “ victims ,” we ’ re not – it ’ s just a habitual way of thinking and being that we ’ re used to .
Most of us learned how to be victims at a very young age and had ( and continue to have ) lots of examples around us . In fact , victimhood is something we often used as a survival technique as children and adolescents .
Although it doesn ’ t really feel good – feeling sorry for ourselves is actually a way to distance ourselves from deep and painful emotions , like sadness , hurt , loneliness , fear , anger , and despair . Because we don ’ t have the emotional capacity as kids or teens to fully experience , express , or embrace our emotions in a healing and liberating way , we turn to victimhood and it helps us survive .