AT THE VILLAGE GREEN WITH THE PUMP
Pickles I arrived early for the meeting and found a poster on the old iron pump: the pump that gave its name to the Village Green with the Pump. The poster read:‘ REWARD of £ 25 for safe return of The Handkerchief of Blood.’‘ REWARD of £ 15 for the safe return of the MT F1 Wheelbarrow.’ Signed Twaddle, Eighth Earl of Marm. A long line of people stretched from the old farm cart to the main gate of the Cork Factory in Hopalong
Cassidy Street. Most were waving bloodstained handkerchiefs but some had wheelbarrows in various states of dilapidation. The most imaginative had slivers of glass scattered about in their barrows. Others had both handkerchiefs and wheelbarrows. When the officials, the Cidermen and Twaddle’ s personal bodyguard: the Social Security Men( moonlighting) were in place Davy Brudder nodded his little head and said: Brudder DRUM MAJOR beat the drum slowly. Gargoyle What is the tune o ' the day. What is yer special request, Serg.? Brudder I rather fancy‘ Jailhouse Rock '. Pickles The little man with the fat ass emerged around the corner. And Billy Gargoyle, the Ulsterman, whose memory dated back to 1690 played a slow roll on his big drum. Twaddle looked even more ridiculous than usual he was dressed, from head to foot, as a Peer of the Realm- wig and all. Softhead Does mine own two eyes tell lies to mine own head or are we honoured this very day with the presence of some noble lord. Pickles Thomas shook his tatty old head in awe.‘ That! Thomas, is the noble Lord Marm’. I informed. Softhead Mine mind tells me he is related to Marmaduke Twaddle. Pickles You might say that, Thomas. You might even say it IS TWADDLE, dressed up like strawberries and cream. Softhead Ah! I get you. How pray, will he deal with all them there bloody handkerchiefs and them there clapped-out wheelbarrows. Pickles That was- a touch of magic, although I say so myself. Softhead Mine head tells me you, somehow, had a hand in that? Pickles That old head could be making sense for a change. I changed shillings to pounds on his poster with my‘ magic marker’ Olaf Gallowsbird mounted the old cart and instructed his Cidermen: Gallowsbird Speak your words right now! Cidermen We want the Duke! Bring on the Duke! Where is the little fat pig? Gallowsbird That is the bloody Duke! That is the Duke there in them daft clothes and leave out your words‘ fat pig!’ Them words were only written down to help you recognise him.