Twaddle leapt from the cart and scurried off in the direction of Daffodil Place but was showered with chipped shaving mugs. I chased after him, picked one up and bounced it off his fat ass. Twaddle The Perfunctory Gas Neutraliser! Fetch the Perfunctory Gas Neutraliser! Quickly! Pickles He yelled in panic, as he placed his stubby little hand over his flabby bottom. My half-brother, Hamilton Conk, came flying up the road, pushing Marmaduke Twaddle’ s MT F1 wheelbarrow but he couldn’ t get a lock on it and crashed through the front window of the Fencer’ s Club causing such a panic that members actually drank the half-pints they had been nursing for two hours. Twaddle reached the public toilets just inches ahead of Cretin. They slammed the door behind themselves. Then two other inner doors slammed and it wasn’ t long before chain flushing began in real earnest. Cretin Good friends Duke, good friends you and me. I have been loyal throughout and never even hit your ass with a shaving mug. Twaddle That was because you missed. You treacherous little turncoat, you and Freeloader and the rest. Cretin Sorry, Duke: there was no other way of escaping. Twaddle Never mind. Have you secured the entrance door? Cretin Yes Marmaduke, I locked it with my own hand. Twaddle You are beginning to sound like Thomas Softhead. Still: at least we are safe, for the moment. Pickles Many people were squeezing their flies, jumping up and down and hammering on the door. Harry Bumthinker sauntered up and peed against the handle but was picked up by Duncan Buttass before he got his flies closed. After half an hour of siege one of the peg-stay sashes opened and a piece of white, toilet paper emerged. Scribbled on it were the words:‘ Please write out your demands on the reverse side of this parchment and I beg you to ensure the safety of the precious‘ Handkerchief of Blood ' Cidermen Find someone who can write words! Find a scribe! Pickles Then one of the Cidermen brought Hamilton Conk forward: Cidermen This man can write words! This man is a scholar! Pickles‘ That man can’ t even write‘ X’ on his giro,' I protested, pushing our Hamilton back. Eventually, Davy Brudder took responsibility for drawing up the list. This is how the list turned out after much squabbling:‘ Crown of Marm( 1st. Class)’ for David Brudder.‘ Crown of Marm( 2nd. Class)’ for Olaf Gallowsbird.‘ Knights Swords’ for Basil Freeloader.‘ Dagger and Star’ for Billy Gargoyle and a new skin for his big drum.‘ Serfs Medal( 1st. Class)’ for each of the SS Men.‘ Serfs Medal( 2nd. Class)’ for each of the Cidermen.‘ Dodo Gong’ for Hamilton Conk. A large barrel of scrumpy and fifty replacement shaving mugs. The list was passed in through the peg-stay sash and after a lot of clucking, chattering and scratching- from within we heard: Cretin Good friends Duke? Best friends Duke, you and me?