the cider. Don’ t be grumpy- drink your scrumpy. How do you like it friends? My poetry is unequalled. Pickles Then the Cidermen roared out the poem Olaf had compiled for them: Cidermen We love the stuff. We like it rough! For we have all been bitten Bring it on! Bring it on! Before we kick your shit in! Gallowsbird No! No! No! The last line should read:‘ When you think IT ' S FITTING.' Pickles Olaf Gallowsbird wiped the sweat from his brow and shook his head in despair. But Twaddle continued on, regardless: Twaddle And now, I have a very important announcement to make. After our gallant attempt to re-establish drinking space, in the Hammer and Cockroach Push, my very esteemed friend, Mister Basil Freeloader, has researched the Annals of Antiquity, the House of Heraldry, the Volumes of Letters Patent, Hansard and the Plonkton Gazette’ s personal column and come up with some astounding findings. But no more from myself. Ladies and Gentlemen! I give you- MISTER BASIL FREELOADER! Pickles I couldn ' t believe it. The man who treated his subordinates with contempt: the man who fiddled twenty-five notes and had tried to put me in‘ Stubs ', the man who had humiliated Lizzie Juggins was back in favour: Freeloader Thank you dear people. It is my pleasure to be in a position to announce to you here today, my findings. I traced the ancestry of the man we all love, the man known to us as Marmaduke Twaddle, and it was as I suspected: he is truly the Eighth Earl of Marm. Pickles I glanced at Twaddle. A powerful beam of ecstasy shone upon his flabby countenance. Freeloader The ancestral home was once situated on what have now become the northern territory of the Tiphead Wastelands, and is that ground north of the River Slutch. I unearthed many artefacts from that place to prove my findings: such things as; an eighteenth century silver slaver clearly stamped‘ Marm’, a crystal goblet with the word‘ Rex’ inscribed on it and a terra cotta bowl with the word‘ Rover’ clearly visible. In addition there was a certain enamelled artefact with the word‘ GENTS’ in large letters. Mister Twaddle informs me that that sign was probable above the door of the smoking room, which was, in those days, a male preserve. Tucker If ya believe that, ye ' ll believe unything. Pickles If Twaddle turned on the big Scottish man with venom: Twaddle You people, have been trying to communicate with your betters here for five centuries, and, in all that time, there has hardly been six comprehensible sentences uttered. You have not set a president, here today, Sir. Tucker You show up unywhere in Docks Ward an yer a deed un, sloppy chops. Ya dinny believe ah this rubbish day ya? A mean, what the hell has‘ Rover, GENTS an Rex’ got ta dae wi bein a posh man? Answer that yin fat ass! Freeloader I will tell you what it has got to do with fat ass-- err-- His Grace:‘ Rex ' is very significant in this respect.‘ Rex’ as you should know, means. king’. The House of Marm, believe it or not, should have re-