Freeloader You know why-- because it ' s raining. They always give somebody a kicking just to warm up but never look too far afield when it ' s raining. Now I really must go. I shall collect the fee tonight-- Byeeee! Pickles Cretin and Twaddle dragged the Harley Robinson Special from the water and pushed it up Dock Street. As they passed the junction with Tinker Street Sergeant Duncan Buttass and his Skullcrackers emerged and threw us all back over the wall and into the sea. Lizzie Juggins appeared, and danced on the wall. She picked up the burnt haggis, ate it and washed it down with three bottles of stout that she had pinched from the Hammer and Cockroach when everyone was involved in the great‘ Push.’ Everyone fled into Flatulence Street, through Cob Square and along Tinker Street. As we Reached the Travellers Rest the landlady, Red Biddy Bolan emerged with fifteen volunteers from the Saint Vincent DeGaulle Society and seven nuns from the Holy Terrors- a society renowned for their vow of silence. The DeGaulles fired porter bottles after us whilst the Holy Terrors encouraged them with chants,‘ Chase them, chase them! They are nothing but low-life bar’ s turds- get them to funk out of here! Twaddle beat a hasty re- treat and shouted something about a meeting the next day as something had gone badly wrong.
AT THE PUBLIC TOILETS IN DAFFODIL PLACE
Twaddle This meeting has been called to determine what happened to our bung. Pickles Marmaduke Twaddle addressed his small party in his headquarters, the public toilets in Daffodil Place. Sitting around the toilet attendant’ s table were: Twaddle, Basil Freeloader, Cecil Cretin, that horrible little shit wart- Davy Brudder, Olaf Gallowsbird and the man who had asked questions at the rally, Finley Bottom. Finley Bottom the argumentative little man, who suddenly found himself a widower when he misplaced his wife in Pendle Forest. Bottom started on Twaddle and what he said led me to believe there was a much bigger fish behind these racist riots: Bottom The bung was entrusted to you SIR! To ensure that the local constabulary would not interfere with this campaign. Yet, Sergeant Duncan Buttass and his Skullcrackers humiliated you. Twaddle Perhaps he didn’ t receive the bung on time. Bottom Perhaps the bung has lined the inside of someone’ s pocket? The bung was handed over to you, Sir. It was your responsibility. Twaddle Mister Bottom! The bung was passed on to my trusted friend, Mister Basil Freeloader. From there, I can only assume it found its way into the coffers of Sergeant Duncan Buttass. Bottom Friend eh! A man who has been bankrupt more times than the Italian Government. A man who treated his subordinates with contempt, a man whose sins required the attention of three bishops- sitting in camera. This is the man whom you entrusted with the bung! Twaddle Err! Perhaps-- perhaps Mister Freeloader would like to report to this committee of his handling of the bung in question Bottom MISTER FREELOADER will report to ME- NOW. I will then report to our benefactor who, in turn, will