parenting
2 . Communicate . Once you validate their feelings and identify the unmet needs that drive the feeling , check in with them to be sure they feel understood before switching to wanting to share your perspective and expecting them to hear you . Failing to do this may result in them tuning you out .
We all want to turn it into a teachable moment and explain why certain behaviours are not acceptable with more depth than “ Because I said so .” Knowing that the teachable moment is NOT at the time of the issue is very important . It is okay to explain to your child that hitting their sibling is hurtful and doesn ’ t fix the problem of the swiped toy - or resolve the anger they ’ re feeling . And you get that it would really help them to practice some skills before these kinds of flashpoints occur so that there is more choice for them to respond differently . My experience is that the key is to teach the skills for self-regulation in heated situations more than lecturing them ; most kids know already that hitting isn ' t okay . The issue is more about tools for impulse control when they are experiencing high emotion . that the two of you are on the same team . Solo problem-solving is rarely effective . Collaboration sets the tone for your child to feel that you ’ re invested in them meeting their needs and want to find a solution that meets your needs too – but not at their expense of getting to meet theirs . Learning to defuse disagreements is challenging , and it requires commitment and effort to overcome your own emotional response . But the 3-Step ACTion plan can help both parents and children learn to treat each other with love and respect .
First , take a breath . Find some compassion for yourself , and forgive yourself for that behaviour you ’ re not proud of . None of us are perfect .
3 . Target another option . Ask your child to help identify a solution to the problem at hand . Maybe your children can agree to take turns sharing a favourite toy . If you catch your teenager sneaking out to meet their friends , maybe you help them find a safe space for a socially distant hangout instead of sending them straight to their room . The goal is to build your child ’ s ability to objectively problemsolve and to let them know
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