parenting
Keeping The Peace
Parenting coach and mum of two Katherine Winter-Sellery shares three steps to defuse any fight with your child
Has your home turned into a warzone ? For many parents , after long months of being stuck indoors – sharing the same space for work , school , home , and recreation – the pressure might be building to a boiling point .
When a disagreement hits the boiling point , things get ugly . There ’ s screaming , crying , swearing ... and that ’ s just the parents . And after it ’ s all over , we often feel ashamed and regretful . It ’ s only then that we remember we ’ re supposed to be the adults in the room .
That “ out of control ” feeling isn ’ t your fault . In the moment , when your child ’ s just done something that drives you nuts , your emotions get the best of you . But when you ’ re running hot , you don ’ t act like the parent you want to be . And that ’ s because you may not have the right tools to be able to respond instead of react . First , take a breath . Find some compassion for yourself , and forgive yourself for that behaviour you ’ re not proud of . None of us are perfect . When you show kindness to yourself , you model that kindness for your children , too .
Then , follow this Three-Step ACTion Plan next time you find a discussion going south . It can help you prevent a difficult situation from accelerating into a full-fledged meltdown .
1 . Acknowledge your kid ’ s feelings and needs . Children often have a hard time naming the emotions that they ’ re feeling . Ask them leading and compassionate questions . If your kids are fighting over a toy , for example , ask : “ Are you feeling angry that your sister took your toy without permission ?” Their answer will help you understand their response and give clues about how to remedy the situation .