Playtimes HK Magazine September 2018 Issue | Page 37

features
F
ledgling birds will often try to
push the weakest siblings out
of the nest. You’ll find this fact
totally unsurprising if you’ve
ever watched your children trying to
share a packet of sweets. Sibling rivalry
is hardly a new phenomenon, but
it’s still one of the most talked-about
aspects of parenting. So what can
be done to make sibling conflict less
regular, less damaging and, ultimately,
less annoying for parents?
Sibling rivalry is caused, at its most
basic level, by the competition for a
scarce resource; namely, parental
attention. Conflict is most pronounced
where there are small (below two
year) age gaps between siblings, but
there are many other factors at play.
Personality differences can lead to
jealousy when children have different
areas of expertise, particularly when
one sibling has more qualities in
common with a parent. Challenges are
also increased when one child is gifted,
or in families where a child requires
additional attention due to illness or
disability. Birth order, gender, and the
number of siblings can also play a role.
Sadly there is no magic formula that
will guarantee harmony.
Reducing instances of conflict
So what can be done to reduce
sibling tensions? Justine Campbell
is a counselor, family life coach, and
positive psychology practitioner with
expertise across a range of areas,
including sibling rivalry, anxiety and
family confli ct. Justine encourages
families to “see themselves as a team,
bringing different strengths to the table
and working towards a common goal.”
She suggests that families discuss
each other’s strengths and qualities
as a group to help reduce feelings of
jealousy and build confidence.
Positive reinforcement of good
behaviour can also work wonders on
family relations. Too often, parents
fall into the trap of only reacting to
negative behaviour. Taking the time to
regularly compliment children on things
like playing an imaginative game or
sharing toys nicely can fulfil their need
for parental attention and prevent them
acting out in a negative way to obtain
it. Remember any attention is good
attention to a child!
It’s also important that everyone in
your family (team!) has the chance to
be heard. Justine suggests letting each
child take a turn picking music in the
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