Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but the vending machine at work can't recognize a dollar with a bent corner.
I don't usually brag about going to expensive places, but I just left the gas station.
I don't always roll a joint but when I do, it's my ankle.
I'm in a good place right now. Not Emotionally. But this bar has good drink specials.
We should tell people in our lives that we love them more often. We should walk right up to them, wrap our arms around them and say "I love you, and you matter to me".
At my age, rolling out of bed in the morning is easy. Getting up off the floor is a whole other story.
Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza....OK!!?
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
An apple a day will keep anyone away.....if you throw it hard enough!
I hate when people see me at the super market and they are like: "Hey, what are you doing here?" and I'm just like: "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
Sometimes being silly with a friend is the best therapy........