“[ The criticism ] has got to be constructive , not destructive ,” Dobransky emphasized . And it can ’ t be exclusively positive and complimentary . “ If it ’ s always complimentary , someone ’ s not being authentic and truthful , and not communicating enough to instruct their partner in a constructive way to help them grow as a person .”
On the flip side , the Gottman Method also identifies four types of communication that can be relationship killers : criticism , contempt , defensiveness and stonewalling .
Working together to call shots is an important dynamic for any pickleball team . Partners need to develop precise communication and trust to effectively work together in this way .
“ If you ’ re not getting along , you don ’ t do that ,” Dobransky noted .
This concept can also apply to strategizing . When learning the game , Dobransky recalled a coach directing him to aim his shots at “ the divorce line ”— right between the two opponents , forcing them to communicate and work together — to capitalize on a common weakness of doubles teams .
Social Exchange Theory
Social exchange theory explores how people develop relationships based on costs and benefits . Dobransky described how Rusbult ’ s Investment Model of Commitment , named for Dutch professor Caryl Rusbult and an extension of social exchange theory , applies to pickleball .
Rusbult identified three factors that lead to people staying invested in a long-term relationship . The first is satisfaction level . “ Relationships ought to lead to us being happier together than [ being ] single ,” Dobransky said .
Pickleball offers a great opportunity for couples to build this satisfaction together , because it ’ s easy to get involved , anyone can play , and couples can build a closer relationship in learning the game and working toward common goals . It ’ s also fun .
“ We found a couple of really great places in Denver that have fun , humorous people , especially an instructor we ’ ve done lessons with ,” Dobransky added . “ She makes the sport everything for us . Mutual strategy , the thrill of winning — and it ’ s not just for the athletic . This leads to satisfaction .”
The second factor is comparison with alternatives . Spending time together and building a connection with your partner on the pickleball court can make the alternative ( being single ) less appealing .
For Dobransky and his wife , pickleball helps them “ know each other , read each other and communicate to win .” They also work toward a common goal and “ despise , at some level , the opponent .” The latter point can be key for squashing alternatives in dating or marriage , according to Dobransky : “ a willful despising of other potential suitors or mates because we are a ‘ we .’ We ’ re a team , and that means all others need to go away . Pickleball helps overcome that factor .”
Rusbult ’ s third factor , investment size , deals with how invested each partner is in the relationship . Dobransky relates this to the shared commitments of practicing and getting better .
The Michelangelo Effect
Finally , Dobransky tied the Michelangelo Effect — which imagines a relationship as a slab of stone where through constant chipping away and feedback , each partner eventually becomes more ideal to the other — to pickleball .
“ I know so many couples where the man is amazing and the woman misses most shots , or the woman is amazing and the man , he ’ s got back pain or bad feet and they ’ re mismatched in athletic skill ,” Dobransky said , “ and yet they still can manage to win , and they still can manage to grow .
“ It ’ s the Michelangelo Effect through their partnering . You could say this could be true of any sport , but swimming is an isolative sport — it ’ s one person . Baseball is a little bit teamwork , but it ’ s still individual athletic prowess . Soccer is entirely team , football is a team , tennis is maybe the closest to pickleball but it ’ s so hard to master . Nothing compares to pickleball for ease of use in seeing these things .”
Stephen Hunt is a freelance contributor to USA Pickleball on behalf of Red Line Editorial , Inc .
MARCH / APRIL 2025 | MAGAZINE 61