P a g e
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P A U 3 A !
caine. Her hobbies include being skinny, aspiring to be skinnier, counting her I.Q. points
on her left hand, bulimia, talking slowly with
an accent, and looking sultry in front of the
camera. Nadia’s goals are to become an actress, become a singer, get skinnier, and be a
role model for young girls. Nadia is modeling
for us the latest line of swimwear. Notice
how the rabbit fur accentuates her skeletal
frame. The built in cellphone caddy is conveniently concealed between the cheeks.
Thanks, Nadia.
Predator Versus Prey (an Animal Planet favorite),
anyone?
Lion: “Let’s see, I had gazelle Tuesday, fox yesterday, today I think I’ll lie here until a zebra walks
by.”
Zebra: “Mmm, I love grazing on dead grass.
Boy, do I feel safe right now. I think I’ll walk by
that big, brown, hairy rock that moderately resembles some type of carnivorous feline.”
Lion: “You stupid, stupid stripes with legs. How
silly of you to mistake me for some type of hairy
rock.”
(pouncing, zebra screaming, thrashing, the sound
of severed arteries, ill-mannered lion chewing with
mouth open)
Zebra: (silence)
Lion: “Hmm, weird. That strangely tasted like the
PCV from Michigan I had last week. She shouldn’t have been roaming around the bush alone. Didn’t she read her Safety and Security Manual?”
Couch Commentators: (holding bellies, rolling
on floor with laughter)
We also devote much of our time to
biographies. Here’s a sample of the
supermodel Nadia (from Poland) during her runway walk for Dolce and
Gabbana's Fall and Winter fashion line.
Of course, all biographies are done with
the proper accent and dialect from the
model’s native land.
Next up is Nadia. She is from Poland.
Nadia is 6’ 4’’ and weighs 87 pounds.
She has a 42’’ bust, a 15’’ waist, and
36’’ hips. She is a Gemini. She just
celebrated her fifteenth birthday. Every
morning for breakfast, Nadia enjoys
four cornflakes, a shot glass of black
coffee, six cigarettes, and a line of co-
Nadia (in generic foreign accent): "I am from
Poland. I am Polish. I like pretty. You like
me? I like travel and Coke Lite. I love you
long time. Thank you Fashion TV."
Ahhh, gems of wisdom.
We could expound even more on the subject,
but Bad Boyz II is on at 2:37, er, we mean we
have to make more flashcards because our
Macedonian is improving SO MUCH over
these last five weeks and the Ambassador is
calling, or we're making lesson plans, we
mean, um, we have to file our taxes, filling
out the site locator form? Purifying water?
Rescuing Kosovo refugees? Making sarma?
We swear. Good things. Really. Nothing
stupid. Completely worthwhile. Really. Did
we say really? Really.