The first time I interviewed with these people , I made a grave mistake . I worded my responses carelessly and quickly . I use humor as a coping mechanism sometimes , and so I tend to talk with a lot of sarcasm . You cannot use sarcasm with DCF . Even if they know you are joking , they are required to investigate every mildly concerning thing you say , which in my case , is everything . So from that I learned that I have to choose my words carefully , which I do now . I talk slowly , thinking of how to properly phrase my answer as to not alert the women of anything they might have to look into . « Well , you know I ’ m in therapy for my mild depression and anxiety , » A lie , I ’ d stopped going weeks ago . And it was not mild . « And Anna and Matt have ADHD , but other than that I ’ d say we ’ re fine . I mean , sometimes Mom and Dad have some days where they are a little down , but that only happens when they had to call 911 . »
All of that was garbage . The mental health in my family is trash , but I didn ’ t want to call out anyone , it was none of their business . But luckily , they press no further and finish off the usual questions . When they finish their inquiries they give me the usual speech about this being an impossible situation , and they will work hard to fix my life , then they leave . They only close the door halfway , and I push it shut the rest of the way . I twist the lock right , click , left , click , and right , then repeat with my left hand . I turn and walk back around my table , sit on my chair , and just hold my face in my hands until they leave . I hear them yelling thanks and other niceties to my mom , and their shared car pulls out of the driveway . At that moment , I regain the function of my muscles . I stand up , grab my sneakers , and walk into the living room . « Mom , can I have ten bucks for Collins ? » Without question , she rifles through her purse and hands me a crumbled bill . I don ’ t look at it , but instead stuff it directly into my pocket . I give her a loose hug , and walk out the front door , my hands deep in my sweatshirt . I am on my way to the ice cream place , and all I can think is how tired I am . I am so tired .