Happy Family, Happy Life
Learn eight simple secrets of happy families
By Christa Melnyk Hines
H
appiness can vary depending on our personal
circumstances. But why are some families more
resilient and happier despite the obstacles life
throws their way? They cheer for each other. Celebrate your kids’
They hang out together. Happy families feel a strong • “I loved watching you play.”
sense of connection with each other. According to child-
family therapist Jennifer Jackson-Rice, LSCSW/LSCW, real
connection takes as little as five minutes a day.
Sit next to each other during homework time, cook
together, read books at bedtime, and chat with each
while driving to activities.
Create calmer, more cheerful mornings by prepping the
night before or getting yourself up a little earlier.
interests and successes by acknowledging their efforts
rather than zeroing in on what went wrong:
• “I like how you colored this so neatly!”
• “Great job on your test. I can tell you really
concentrated.”
“When we praise our children, self-esteem goes up.
When self-esteem is high, connection is good, behaviors
are good,” Jackson-Rice says.
They seek fulfillment. While material items like the
“That connection in the first part of the day can carry
kids throughout the day,” Jackson-Rice says. latest electronics, designer jeans and trendy toys
may bring fleeting joy, they won’t deliver lasting
contentment.
Michelle Hon, a mom of two boys, ages 4 and 2, agrees.
She says that the first 30 minutes in the morning and
the last 30 minutes before bedtime help her family feel
grounded, calm and loved. “I don’t think we can teach our kids to be happy if we’re
looking to external sources to feed that emotion,” says
Cati Winkel, owner of The Empowered Parent Coach.
“We do a lot of snuggles and cuddles in the morning,
and we try not to make that a rushed time in our
home,” Hon says.
In the evening, she and her husband
Michael stick to a bedtime routine with
their sons, which includes reading
books together and quietly
reflecting on the day.
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And that includes looking to others for validation of
self-worth, which can result in behaviors like people-
pleasing or obsessing over likes on social media.
“This is where we get a lot of shame. People become
really unhappy because they have unrealistic
expectations to live up to,” Winkel says.
Research suggests that children, who
grow up to be happier adults, are
encouraged early on to engage
in activities that they enjoy and
that help them develop their
strengths.