others need help and offer to give it. Practice talking You can’t make friends for your children, but you
through a problem to find ways to cooperate. Notice can model, train and redirect behavior in ways that
when someone is hurting and say kind words to them. support the skills they need to build healthy, happy
Model a kind act or giving a compliment. Often, just relationships.
one kind word or action makes all the difference in
building a friendship. Practice will help your child react
appropriately in real life settings.
2. Role-Play
One of the most powerful methods of changing
behavior in children is role-play. When children are
Role Play Questions to “Break the Ice”
and Problem-solve in Friendship-building.
Ask: Skill:
Do you want to play cars? (dolls, any
other game or activity) Initiate
That’s a cool bike. Can I ride with you? Compliment
Why don’t you ask Cameron for help
with your cars? Cooperation
How do you think that made Audrey
feel? Empathy
Can you think of another way to solve
the problem? Problem solve
I like your American Girl. Do you want
to play dolls together? Compliment
Shall we ask Johnny to play with us? Cooperation
involved in acting out ways to cooperate or what to do
when a problem arises, the results are amazing. Role-
playing can be done by physically acting out a scenario
or through the use of puppets or dolls. Either way, your
child is empowered to be part of the solution. Try it,
you’ll be pleased with the results.
3. Offer Play Opportunities
Children need many opportunities to practice their
friendship-making skills. They need repetition to master
cooperation or negotiation of a solution to a problem
as it arises in their play situations. Invite another child
to have lunch at your home or plan simple play dates in
your community. Be sure to allow lots of unstructured
play time in which children can pretend play. Be nearby
to guide and redirect when help is needed.
4. Stay Balanced
A good sense of humor is a wonderful character trait
for both adults and children. Life isn’t perfect and
friendships may bear a few battle scars. Children need
to learn that conflict is a part of life. Thus, learning
to resolve conflict is a real opportunity for personal
growth. Making and keeping friends is a lifelong
pursuit—it won’t be mastered in one day. Build on your
child’s strengths. Compliment him when he does well
and listen to her when she wants to talk about her
I wonder if we can make a road for our Initiate
cars in the sand?
I’m sorry I got angry. Can we try
again? Problem solve
Should we let Sara play with us? Empathy
friendship ups and down.
“
MAKING AND KEEPING FRIENDS IS
A LIFELONG PURSUIT—IT WON’T BE
MASTERED IN ONE DAY.”
S T. J O H N S parent M A G A Z I N E | 9