Teresa Bondora, an educator and
mother of two children, believes in
respecting our children’s changing
needs for social and solitary time.
She says you may be surprised at
how much time alone they choose
on their own.
“In my opinion, time alone or
(time) spent recreationally is just as
personal and timely as hunger. And
dictating (their time) is disrespectful
and teaches children to ignore their
own body speaking to them. If we
ask and respect this need, then
we teach them to respect it for
themselves and listen to it,” Bondora
says.
Schedule daily quiet time. Carve
out quiet time in the day, if your
child isn’t used to initiating it on his
own. Daily quiet time allows kids to
relax, listen to music, read or simply
daydream. However, your child’s
needs may vary. While all children
need down time, not every child
must be alone to recharge.
“Some children who really like to
be with others might like it best if
they are lying on the couch reading
a book while mom reads her book
right next to them. Other children
might really want to be off alone,”
Dunnewold says.
Babies as young as two months old
can play on their own for a little
while.
“Have (your) baby play in five to
10 minute increments on a blanket
on the floor. Babies of this age can
amuse themselves by looking at
pictures in board books or at mirrors
or lights,” Dunnewold says.
Alternate between playing with your
baby for five minutes and giving
her five minutes to play on her own.
Slowly increase the amount of time.
With an older child, set a timer and
encourage them to play alone for
10 minutes. When the time is up,
play for 10 minutes with your child
and then set the timer again for
10 minutes of solitary play. If your
preschooler no longer naps, set aside
an hour a day for your child to play
quietly, look at books and relax.
Encourage self-directed play.
Even if your youngster complains
about how bored they are, avoid
jumping in as the designated
entertainer. Self-directed play leads
to more imaginative play.
If your child isn’t used to playing
alone, suggest activities that they
can do on their own. List activities
on a chart or have them pick an idea
out of a jar. Afterward, reward them
with a sticker or extra time with you
and use positive reinforcement. For
example:
“Didn’t you have fun?! What a
big girl!”
Create an “imagination bucket” for
your child’s quiet time and change
out the contents from time to time
to keep it interesting. Depending
on the age of your child, include
popsicle sticks, crayons, glue,
beads, pipe cleaners or stickers.
Let them go to town creating,
coloring or designing. Building
blocks are another excellent choice
that encourage children to practice
fine motor skills while using their
imaginations.
Model time alone. Constantly
playing the role of entertainer or
running from one activity to the
next is exhausting and stressful.
Set an example for your children
about how to best manage stress
by modeling quiet time on your
own, whether it’s through reading,
journaling or simply resting.
Ester Buchholz, a psychologist
and author of the book The Call
of Solitude, says that time alone
is needed more than ever in our
lives.
she writes. “It can teach us fortitude
and the ability to satisfy our own
needs. It brings forth our longing
to explore, our curiosity about
the unknown, our will to be an
individual…. Alone time is fuel for
life.”
Bondora says time alone helps
her children tune in more to their
feelings and better understand why
they feel a certain way. They can also
better vocalize their needs.
“They take care of themselves and
judge when they need to be alone
or when they need to have some
loud fun!”
From enhanced introspection and
creativity to valuable life skills, a
restful respite in the middle of a
busy day will support your child’s
physical, mental and emotional
health today and into the future.
And, as a hardworking parent, you’ll
reap the benefits, too!
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“Being alone gives us the power
to regulate and adjust our lives,”
S T. J O H N S parent M A G A Z I N E | 7