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sources of help
To find out where your nearest children’s centre is located,
please visit www.oxonchildrenscentres.org.uk or contact
the Oxfordshire Family Information Service on 08452 26 26 36.
MIND (National Association for Mental Health): www.mind.org.uk
The Association of Post-Natal Illness: www.apni.org
The Oxford Parent Infant Project (OXPIP): www.oxpip.org.uk
Cry-sis: www.cry-sis.org.uk
Family Lives: www.familylives.org.uk
Talking Space: www.talkingspaceoxfordshire.org
Samaritans: 01865 722122
PUERPERAL PSYCHOSIS
This condition is very rare,
affecting only one or two
mothers in every 1,000.
A new mother may experience
strange ideas and/or
hallucinations in the early
weeks following childbirth.
An immediate appointment
with your GP is required.
“I felt detached from
my daughter”
Sandy Brown, 34, from Oxford,
kindly shared her story about PND
I was so excited when I was
pregnant with my daughter
Niamh. I’d wanted to be a
mum for a long time and I
couldn’t wait to meet her.
I had it all planned – a peaceful
water birth without drugs or
intervention.
However, in the end, I had a
35-hour labour and was put
on an epidural to cope with the
intense contractions.
When Niamh arrived I was too
shellshocked to gaze adoringly
at her. The first few months
of motherhood were equally
distressing. I stupidly thought
that all babies behaved like
the contented ones in nappy
adverts but Niamh screamed
louder than other babies and
nothing I did helped her. We
struggled with breastfeeding
and I ended up putting her on
formula. The feeling that I was
failing at everything – from
giving birth and feeding Niamh
to bonding with her – took over
and I lost confidence in myself
as a mother.
I wasn’t crying all the time. I
just wandered around feeling
detached. I did my best to
provide for Niamh practically
but I disengaged myself from
her emotionally. It was like
being a prisoner in my own
body and my sleep started to
suffer too.
The breaking point came
around six months after the
birth when I started thinking
that Niamh and my husband
would be better off without me
because I was so bad at being
a mum. I wasn’t suicidal but
I genuinely thought I should
disappear to let them get on
with a happier life. They’d
bonded well and would do fine
without me.
Luckily, I realised that I wasn’t
thinking straight. The next day,
I spoke to my health visitor,
who was amazingly supportive
and got me in to see my doctor
immediately. She was also
brilliant and we agreed that
I would start on a course of
anti-depressants to pull me out
of the depressed mood, while
having weekly counselling with
my health visitor. Those weekly
sessions were a life-saver: just
having a sympathetic, nonjudgemental listener relieved
much of my anxiety and it was
good to feel that I was not the
only person who’d ever felt that
way.
Within a couple of months I
felt much better and within six
months I felt as happy about
motherhood as I had always
hoped I would.
Niamh is now five and I have
been off the anti-depressants
for three years. Even though we
didn’t bond immediately we’ve
got a fantastic relationship now
and do everything together!
Many mums feel bad if they
don’t have that ‘love at first
sight’ moment with their baby
but Niamh and I are proof that
bonding does happen and it
carries on for the rest of your
lives.