Outlook English - Print Subscribers Copy Outlook English, 26 February 2018 | Page 43

experimentation. Kaur talks about how new technology
such as smartphones are enabling women in the smal­
ler cities and villages to express their individuality and
explore their sexuality in new ways. “People now want to
be more aware of sex and its surprises before entering into
a marital relationship,” she says. “Many women are now
okay with sexting men and having boyfriends, whom they
may or may not go on to marry.” Also on the rise in smaller
cities are marriages of convenience between gay men and
women aware of their sexual orientation. They appear to
be h
­ appily married largely in order to find social accept-
ance, while continuing to exploring their sex­uality outside
it. This, according to Kaur, has paved a new path to “sexual
liberation” in small-town India.
I
NDEED, more people across the country are putting
aside the need for the “perfect one” as they pursue
pleasure and seek fulfilment in what is forbidden and
hence exciting, or convenient and within reach. It isn’t
all flowers and happiness, though. Trying to live on
one’s own terms often
leads to complica-
tions, and so it is in the
realm of intimate rela-
tionships too. “The rules
in such relationships are
not clearly defined and
one often learns only
after making mistakes,”
says Latika, whose open
marriage has hit a dark
spot more than once in
its two years. “There have
been times when a man
I’m sleeping with has
also become an emo-
tional support system
and my husband wasn’t
comfortable with it.” She
also mentions instances
where another woman got too emotionally attached with
her husband and sent her threatening messages.
“We still don’t know where exactly to draw the line
on what is acceptable and what isn’t,” says Singh. Many
men and women who come to her admit to being lonely
despite having active sexual and social lives. “The need
to look ­inwards for happiness has also to some extent
led to ­people feeling detached from society and friends.
And that’s behind the rising number of clinical depres-
sion ­cases.” A psychiatrist puts it this way: “Love hasn’t
changed much in the past few centuries, but what has
changed is the way we accept it. And the web of social
media and self-realisation complicates it even more.” O
(* Names changed to protect identities)
Smartphones are
enabling women in
the smaller cities and
villages to express
their individuality and
explore their sexuality
in new ways.
be “post-love”. She has had her fair share of relationships
which, she says, have left her questioning whether “real
love” even exists. “I have now given up on the idea of find-
ing my one true love,” she says. The loss of several serious
relationships has made her realise that one c ­ annot find
emotional comfort and love with other people. “‘Loving
Me’ is my motto now,” she says. “I’m a free bird, ready to
mingle.” Sugandha, who identifies as bisexual, is active in
circles that encourage engaging with multiple sexual part-
ners. “There is a whole community of people out there who
are not looking for emotional entanglements but just sex,”
she says, adding that she is happy seeking love and support
from her friends, and sex from other “like-minded” people.
And it’s not just urban dwellers who are into sexual
26 February 2018 OUTLOOK 43