Outlook English - Print Subscribers Copy Outlook English, 26 February 2018 | Page 41
RELATIONSHIP PO ST- MODER N
AN OPEN AFFAIR
WITH FREEDOM
Sex outside wedlock has commonly evoked the prurient
rather than the idea of self-fulfilment. A new generation of
women and men are changing that, and how!
by Arushi Bedi
P
RAKRITI* is a typical 20-something success-
ful graphic designer in Delhi. She lives with
friends, away from home, like many other young
professionals in the city. What stands out about
her, perhaps, is that she identifies herself as
“polyamorous”. What’s that? “Simply put,” she
explains, “it means not putting all your
relationship and emotional needs in the
same basket.” Claiming to be in open and
honest relationships with more than one
person, she says, “All my sexual partners
know about the others and are comfort-
able with it. Some of them are in other
relationships too.” She is among a growing
number of educated urban youth who are
changing the way society looks at intimate
or sexual relationships.
When one thinks of sexual intimacy in the
contemporary world, one is more likely to
conjure up the image of the sassy Samantha
going around New York in Sex and the City
looking for her next fling than that of the
demure Scarlett O’Hara waiting for a lost
love. Most young people these days know
relationships can be fleeting, and that there
could be many factors causing the end of a
relationship. Perhaps, that’s why they tend
to approach such relationships cautiously,
in their own time, and don’t expect every
relationship to be monogamous and oriented
towards making a family. Fidelity itself—once
an almost black-and-white concept—seems
to have acquired shades of grey.
One way to understand the trend would
be to trace it to growing “individualisation” of society, as
German sociologist Ulrich Beck puts it, where the new
norm is to value individual desires more than social com-
mitments such as marriage or a long-term relationship.
Some would say sexual desire has been liberated from the
need to find love, in the sense that looking for the grati-
fication of both human needs with the same person is no
longer the only acceptable way to go about it.
What contributes to this change in
attitude, according to Delhi-based
sociologist Ravinder Kaur, is greater
gender equality. “With both men and
women working, they are individual
entities with their own lives and own
incomes. Gendered expectations have
taken a back seat to an extent, allowing
both men and women to experience
relationships according to their per-
sonal needs,” she says. Seeking what
works best for them, i ndividuals and
couples decide whether and what to
tell the world about their relationships.
Happily married couples too are con-
stantly looking to push boundaries and
see their relationships evolve.
When Latika* and Prabhat*, now in
their early 30s, married seven years
ago, they barely knew each other. The
marriage was more in deference to
their parents’ wish to see them “set-
tled”. They came to love each other as
time passed, but also realised they were
looking for diverse experiences when it
came to sex. Some fights and a few visits
to a relationship counsellor opened
them to the idea of an “open marriage”,
“The idea is to be
100 per cent honest
with each other about
who we are sleeping
with. It has worked
wonderfully with
us,” says Latika.
26 February 2018 OUTLOOK 41