On the Coast – Over 55 Issue 31 I September/October 2019 | Page 10

Tempting fate?
Don’t leave it
too late
BY SARAH TOLMIE
O
n August 8 every year it is Dying
to Know Day, a national day of
awareness initiated by the
Groundswell Project to encourage
conversations about death and dying and
to make them natural, safe and easy. This
is a much needed thing to do, I know.
When I tell people my work includes
end-of-life consulting, pastoral care, death
education, holistic funeral celebrancy and
funeral direction and planning, it can be a
bit of a conversation killer.
Yes I suppose I am one of those ‘weirdos’
who works with ‘death’. However, it is not
morbid. Not morbid in the sense it is very
natural and real and normal to die. We all
will die. In my experience, it is, in fact, an
intensely rich space of relationships,
intimacy, meaning, love and even humour.
“But don’t you find it depressing and
sad?” is what I frequently get asked. Well
yes I do find it sad, but I am comfortable
in that sadness. The sadness at death is
legitimate and necessary. It honours the
sacredness of a life ending.
What I do find depressing is perhaps
not for some of the reasons you may
think. As a professional in this space of
care and ritual, what I find depressing
is the lack of preparation and holistic
support for families to guide them
through this experience.
What I find depressing is the culture of
death denial that inhibits doctors having
real conversations with families; that sees
unnecessary treatments causing distress
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