On the Coast – Over 55 Issue 30 I July/August 2019 | Page 9

It seems to me a refreshingly real and
responsible way to manage relationships
and just another way many of today’s
‘evolved elders’ are modeling a modern,
diverse and harmonious lifestyles. They
are having the conversations, clearly
articulating their ‘terms and conditions’
and in the process, finding great
happiness and fulfillment.
In my marriage therapy and relationship
coaching practice, one of the important
foundations of good healthy relationships
that I share with my couples is having clear
‘agreements’ on what the relationship realm
includes and what it doesn’t include. It is
about knowing the needs and desires of
both individuals, as well as knowing each
other’s threshold and deal-breaker aspects,
and determining the best arrangements to
honour those boundaries.
Certainly if you are moving into
marriage and fully committed union
and cohabitation, the environment
of the relationship might be far more
comprehensive – financially, physically,
emotionally and spiritually. A very
holistic and intimate union. And indeed
this still occurs at any age and stage of
life. I just recently performed a marriage
for a couple in their late 70’s.
But for many individuals in the later
the phases of life & love, many who have
been widowed; some multiple times
divorced; and lots living solo for a long
time, the thought of fully integrating
their life & love at this current stage of
the journey, with another, is just too big.
Other factors working against fully
integrated relationships include being
tied into different retirement village
living arrangement; different financial
capacities and/or personal financial plans
with pensions and super; a difference or
limitations with physical ability; complex
family dynamics and responsibilities.
They are also very aware of the very
real implications another partnership
may mean for legacy arrangements and
the distribution of the estate and assets
in a Will.
Later in life love can be a very deep
and special experience. Couples bring
a rich life history and a mature skill
set which can create relationships full
of meaning and intimacy. There are
advantages for ensuring a diversity of
friendships and family connections, and
there is something definitely enlivening
about the continual personal stretch and
evolving that a relationship activates.
Love can keep us young and alive.
Companionship, friendship, touch and
intimacy bring purpose and meaning that
help to cultivate and maintain our full
potential for wellbeing.
I kinda hope my mum experiences
the joy and challenges of a potential
gentleman’s invitation and interest just so
I can live vicariously through the exciting
disruption and discovery it could bring.
How delicious! But I know she’ll be just
perfectly happy as she is too.
Sarah Tolmie is a marriage therapist, love & relationship coach, holistic celebrant, bespoke funeral
director and end-of-life consultant. Sarah assists people to celebrate, navigate, grow and heal through
all their life & love transitions. You can visit her website www.sarahtolmie.com.au and receive her
Daily Love updates on Facebook Sarah Tolmie – Life & Love or Instagram @lifeandloveprojects.
JULY/AUGUST – ISSUE 30
9