Is baby sleep Complicated? by Maryanne Sayers
M
y resounding answer to the topic of this article is NO!!
Many generations ago, having a baby and adapting to life with a newborn was relatively straightforward. Implementing structure and routine from early on was normal.
Parents giving birth in the 1930’ s and 1940’ s for example, knew that their babies had basic needs that they had to meet, day in and day out. Not just with sleep, but with everything in their day to day – for example, their feeds, their bathing, their bedtime etc.
Often the parenting skills and knowledge in how to care for the baby was passed on to the mother of the baby by her own mother( the baby’ s grandmother). It wasn’ t uncommon for many members of the extended family to be under the one roof( grandparents included). Because of this, babies slept very well – because all their basic needs were being met and they were in a consistent routine day in, day out.
Now, since those times... SO much has changed in the way we live our lives, and society has certainly changed in many ways. However the one thing that HASN’ T changed is the needs of our babies in regards to sleep and routine. The needs of babies born back in the 1930’ s was basic, just as the needs of babies born today is basic.
Sleep is now the number one issue challenging new parents. The initial elation of a new baby’ s arrival can quickly descend into a highly stressful and exhausting time for everyone involved.
There is a plethora of inconsistent approaches / methodologies / advice out there. There is no end of conflicting messages and instruction about baby sleep and routines – do this, don’ t do that, try this, don’ t worry about that. Every which way parents turn, they are being told something different. It is no wonder parents are overwhelmed and confused. And all of this has taken us completely off track and miles away from what is actually a very simple process for our babies if things are set up correctly for them – and that is sleep.
If the overall structure and processes and routine are not set up correctly for a baby, then the baby won’ t sleep well. In that sense, sleep is the“ last” link in that chain. If everything else is not set up right, then sleep won’ t happen. It’ s that simple.
Some of the common messages being given to parents of newborns is:
•“ Don’ t worry about getting your baby into a routine until they are at least 6 months of age. Until then just go with the flow”.
•“ Your baby can’ t and won’ t sleep well until at least 6 months of age”
•“ Feed your baby on demand around the clock”
•“ Get used to being sleep deprived – it’ s normal when you have a baby”
•“ Babies aren’ t meant to be in a routine "( this old chestnut truly astounds me) It is precisely this sort of information being widely spruiked to parents that has contributed greatly to an entire generation of sleep deprived and utterly exhausted parents and babies. Not only that, sleep deprivation can be a real tipping point for post natal depression, anxiety and relationship tensions and breakdowns between couples. How can parents be expected to have clear direction and confidence and knowledge around baby sleep when there is so much conflicting advice and opinions being thrown at them.
So much of what I do is re-framing the way parents approach and think about baby sleep and routine. It’ s become so over complicated and has drifted way off track. Parents have lost their way. It continues to spiral, and I am seeing the disastrous effects on families every single day. Babies have simple needs. All healthy babies can and will sleep well – and want to sleep well – provided all the foundations are in place first. I am all about taking it back to basics, and educating parents on the foundations – e. g sleep and room environment, setting up their day and night routine, having a consistent early bedtime, understanding tired signs, the role of sleep aids and how they interfere with the going to sleep process, making sure their baby is warm enough in the colder months and understanding the pattern of their sleep, feed and wake cycles.
Parents are not equipped with consistent information, knowledge and understanding on how to manage their baby’ s sleep and routine from day one. And this is where it all falls down. From very early on, poor habits and exhausting rituals and cycles are being undertaken as parents struggle through each day. Parents and babies are caught in the same exhausting and relentless cycle.
This is not coming from a judgemental perspective, not at all and far from it. I was one of those parents once and I totally understand. I have been there – and it’ s truly awful. In fact it was from my own experience with my first-born 14 years ago that led me onto this path to help families with their baby’ s sleep every day. If you are struggling with your baby’ s sleep, I promise you there will be reasons why this is happening and with the right changes and resetting processes and timings, this can all be resolved. You haven’ t ended up with a“ bad sleeper”. Trust me when I say your baby is desperately wanting good, consistent sleep, he / she just needs all the foundations in place.
Maryanne Sayers is a certified Baby Sleep and Routine Consultant and is the co owner / founder of Dream Start Baby, the new comprehensive education online resource for parents of babies aged 0 – 12 months. Maryanne also provides one-on-one consultations to families having sleep issues with their baby. Contact Maryanne phone: 0417 068 545 or via her facebook page or go to www. dreamstartbaby. com. au
38 KIDZ ON THE COAST