Connection begins at birth by Nikki Smith
The first rooting for your breast.
The first time you lay eyes on each other. The first time you hear them cry and wail. The first opportunity for you to meet their needs, to give them you... Gentle beginnings are essential for your confidence as a mama & for the trust to develop between yourself & your infant. Newborns are connecting from the very start.
Those first exhausting, yet exhilarating weeks post partum. They leave you breathless, exhausted, sore. Your days are filled with sweet smiles and never ending cries. Moments that take your breath away and moments that leave you with dread. The days are long but the nights are longer. These are the days, the moments, the hours, this is when you embrace the opportunity to establish a foundation of trust. With this solid foundation love grows, as does a healthy relationship between you and your infant.
Human babies are born immature. Dr Howard Chilton a renowned Australian Pediatrician has stated that“ They have very little if any‘ working memory’ and the thinking, planning, evaluating part of their brain is not yet connected up.”
Young babies do not understand that their identity is separate from their mothers, this is known as the fourth trimester.“ The concept of a fourth trimester, drawn from maternal nursing and midwifery, refers to the crucial three to six month period after birth when many of the physical, psychological, emotional, and social effects of pregnancy continue. Giving this concept legal relevance extends the scope of pregnancy beyond the narrow period defined by conception, gestation, and birth and acknowledges that pregnancy is a relational process, not an individual event.” Saru M. Matambanadzo Associate Professor of Law, Tulane University Law School.
Throughout your infants time in the womb he is nourished, warm, jostled and rocked about. He wants for nothing. He feels safe and is bundled up tightly, always feeling cuddled. He hears your heartbeat, the sounds of your body digesting your food, he hears sounds and voices that surround you, he hears you and your partners voice. At birth your baby has developed enough to experience life in this enormously far less sheltered world. At their moment of birth there is already a radical change from a wet environment to a dry one. There is a change in temperature, a switch over to baby needing to develop the ability to breath on his own, and an abrupt change of position from head down to levelling up with the rest of his body. Newborn babies are astounding, they can sustain these changes quickly and efficiently.
Your infant is vulnerable, he is no longer in the womb but needs to be within your arms. When an infant is within arms he is happy, blissful and complete. This is where your connection with him grows. This is where trust will flourish and this is where you will become Mother.
The period immediately following birth is his most impressive part of life outside of his mothers womb. What your baby encounters within these moments is how he will feel that the nature of his life will be. Time and time again with my first newborn babe, it was repeated endlessly to me that I was“ spoiling her by holding her too much,”“ just let her cry,”“ you’ ll spoil her by feeding on demand.”‘ Spoiling’ is one of those mindless ideas that gets passed down from generation to generation, even though on the surface it is absolutely ridiculous!
Dr Bob Jacobs the author of“ perfect parents perfect children, changing the world by celebrating our perfection,” states that“ a newborn baby only asks for what he or she needs. In every species it is the role of the parent( usually the mother) to provide what the baby needs. It is only in our species that we question the natural wisdom inherent in this behaviour.”
If you respond to your babies cries you will only teach them good things, like they are loved, that they are important, and that they can trust you.
“ Communication and connection is a process, a relational building block, a result of intentional and responsive parenting.” As quoted by L. R Knost.
Attunement or as I like to call it, intuitive parenting is exactly that, listening to you, the parent, how does it make you feel when your baby is crying? Is your innate urge to pick her up? Then do that. Do you feel like your beautiful infant might need some milk? Then do that too.
Too often we allow other peoples well intentioned advice to course through our brains and imprint its way into our hearts, too often we are googling“ crying baby” on our smart phones only to forget that we already know the way. We already have that intuitive wisdom inbuilt within us, its in our heads, our hearts, our wombs.
No-one likes to have their communication ignored. How would you feel if you were so upset, stamping your feet, crying, screaming and your partner just left you there, just like that. You would feel angry, hurt, vulnerable and abandoned. This will inevitably damage your relationship will it not? So why do we as adults feel that that is ok to do that to innocent babies?
There is no doubt that a babies cry creates stress, as Jean Liedloff wrote in the continuum concept“ A baby’ s cry is precisely as serious as it sounds.” An infant crying should not be a power struggle it should be thought of as an opportunity to connect. So all babies can grow with a generous capacity for love, connection and trust.
Peace is created from birth. We create imprints in our children within this period of time. Being a parent creates the opportunity to reparent ourselves when we are able to make sense of our own early experiences, we are then able to create what we wanted with our own children. This begins at birth.
Gentle beginnings are essential for your confidence as a mama & for the trust to develop between yourself & your infant. Newborns are connecting from the very start.
Nikki Smith is a Registered Nurse and a Qualified Child and Family Nurse. A mama of three beautiful daughters with a strong belief in raising our children consciously and intuitively. Nikki is passionate about wholistic post partum care and education, her workshops focus on you feeling empowered, knowledgeable and gaining essential tools for you and your family during the post partum period when bringing your new baby home. Nikki also offers interactive workshops on how you can better“ Tune” into your Toddler positively and gently. Nikki’ s workshops are available here on the Central Coast as well as online @ www. earthwayparenting. com. au
36 KIDZ ON THE COAST