On the Coast – Families Issue 105 I April/May 2020 | Page 25
parenting style! In fact, they might take
it as you thinking his parents are wrong
which in turn will make him feel like you
think he’s turned out ‘wrong’ too.
Parenting is personal and this belief
that that we are condemned to continue
down the same path of our parent leaves
very little room for growth within this
generation of parents.
When our second daughter was born
my maternity leave that time around ran
up at around the six months mark, I was
still breastfeeding but had no other choice
then but to go back to work. We decided
on weekend work so that my husband
could have the girls as I wasn’t ready for
our baby to be in a childcare centre. This
meant that he would have the girls from
7am until 3pm with a lunchtime feed in
between (Ben would drive to my
workplace so I could breastfeed our
daughter on my lunch break, I couldn’t
get a lot of milk out when pumping).
My husband was sole carer at home
over the weekends, this meant that
I was to trust that he would parent
them gently, consciously and with an
attachment view in mind. Not only that
but I also needed to ‘let go,’ I needed to
allow him the space to parent his way.
This was slow learning for me and I
won’t lie, there were many times I came
home and the house looked like a bomb
had hit it, dirty nappies piled up, dishes
in the sink and the kids were still in their
pyjamas BUT they had built a cubby
house in the lounge room, they were fed,
clothed and so happy!
This kind of trust for me and many
parents came because of sitting down
and discussing our values when it came
down to how we’d like to be parenting,
topics such as, would we smack our kids
(full disclosure, I was smacked when I
was a kid, I’d like to think I turned out ok
but regardless, I don’t think it’s any type
of answer when we resort to violence),
would we yell at our kids, co-sleep,
breastfeed, would we use cloth nappies
or disposable, the list goes on!
The simple fact is, from experience
this worked for us because we’d discussed
it and we trusted each other because
we’d talked it through thoroughly.
In the end, we are not all perfect
people, but we can at least try to agree
on some things, acceptance of each other
parenting differently but with the same
approach, is always a sense of unity as
far as relationships and parenting go.
Below I am going to outline a guide for
you to hopefully agree on an opportunity
to sit down to talk about how you can get
on the same page;
I always feel like it’s best to start with
the positive things that you like about
each other! Set a time to sit with a bottle
of wine or a cup of tea and discuss the
things that strengthen you.
What is one thing that your partner
does with your children that you love?
How can this be a bigger part of your
days together?
What are three things that you like to
do together as a family?
How can you create time for more of
those things?
When we focus on the positive things
that you like to do together as a family
it will always leave more room for
alignment and connection rather than
focusing on the negative.
The next focus task is to look at
creating the same vision that you both
see moving forward as a family.
Do you have a vision of what you would
like your family to feel like? I say feel,
because we all wish to feel a certain
way, we want to feel happy, for an
example so how can we create happy in
our home as a family, together?
Consistency is key, but consistency with
the right things for your family.
What do you value most within your
home?
When our child challenges us do we
want a hard approach a soft approach
or a gentle but firm approach?
What do we want our children to feel
from us? Again, I say feel because
I want you to think about feelings,
do you want your child to feel
anger or happiness when they are
communicating with you?
If there I unacceptable behaviour how
Becoming parents
is one of the most
exciting, incredible
times of our lives, it
can also be the most
humbling.
best can we communicate what we
want in a way that fits in with the
above answers?
What can we put in place right now,
together, to move forward?
Getting on the same page won’t
always be easy. You might not even
agree to getting on the same page. If this
is the case perhaps you can look into
experimenting with your varied styles
of parenting, for example for a few days
try their approach (only if it is safe and it
feels ok for you both), then switch back
to your approach and see which best
feels good for the whole family.
I think an important point I’d like to
make here is to agree not to fight about
this in front of your kids. Make them
privately so that you can ensure you are
not undermining one another in front of
your children, this then at least promotes
respectful communication.
Sometimes, professional help is what’s
needed and that’s ok.
Lastly, might I suggest a date night;
When we are able to sift through a
couple of different things to get onto the
same page it will lighten the load that
parenting can bring when we aren’t.
Date night; Parenting on the same page!
Topics of discussion-
What are your favourite childhood
memories?
How would you like your children to
remember their childhoods?
What can you do to make it a
memorable one? Ideas are, camping,
beach days, picnics at the park.
I will be running workshops based on early
parenting in Wyoming. Get in touch so I can
forward you on the information for our next
baby love and toddler series, I’d love to hear from you!
[email protected]
Nikki Smith is a Registered Nurse and a Qualified Child and Family Nurse. A mama of three beautiful
daughters with a strong belief in raising our children consciously and intuitively. Nikki is the founder of
Earthway Parenting and has developed and is facilitating Post Partum Care and Tuning into your
Toddler Workshops. Nikki also provides in home, one on one consultations according to the unique
needs of your family focusing on gentle parenting for your infant and/or toddler. You can find more
information here www.earthwayparenting.com.au
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