On the Coast – Families Issue 105 I April/May 2020 | Page 24

Parenting
We are all new
O
ur babies were not born with a
manual explaining everything
that we needed to know for them
to thrive, nor were we given option A, B
or C regarding how we wanted to parent.
All these learning lessons have come
with time, they’ve come with experience
and it’s also hopefully something you
have both discussed. If not, let this be a
gentle reminder to do so.
Becoming parents is one of the most
exciting, incredible times of our lives, it
can also be the most humbling. It is no
longer about us anymore, it is suddenly
about keeping alive this little human that
we’ve been blessed with! This transition
into parenting isn’t going to be a relatively
easy one if you’re not on the same page.
What I mean by this comes down to the
values you wish to instil as a family, how
you hope to teach your children right from
wrong and something as simple as sleep
can and will very quickly become the
cause of much distress within your home
and as parents, especially if you both have
differing views, for example one might
prefer crying it out, whereas the other
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ON T H E C OA S T – FA M ILIES
on the same page
to this parenting gig
leans more into a gentle way to settle your
little one into dreamland. I implore you if
you haven’t, to take the time to discuss it.
Countless times I have heard from
parents that they just can’t agree on
things to do with their kids. Common
examples include dinner times; Mum:
‘Honey if you eat a little more dinner you
can have some fruit afterwards;’ Dad:
‘No way, we can’t offer dessert up if they
haven’t eaten all of their dinner!’
Another example is; Mum: ‘I don’t’
want to smack our kids;’ Dad: ‘Well I was
flogged, and I turned out ok!’
Yes, I have made dad seem like the
‘tough guy,’ often though that can be the
case. A lovely lad that’s been attending
the toddler series of workshops I’ve been
running offered up this pearl of wisdom,
‘perhaps that’s due to the generation
beforehand where tough love was key,
and boys weren’t encouraged to show
emotion.’ YES to that!
An important philosophy that I like to
teach within my workshops and within
the online program, is emotion regulation
including and especially ours, as parents!
BY NIKKI SMITH
Dr John Gottman from the Gottman
institute is an internationally respected
marriage and relationships researcher
and expert. He estimates that close to
70% of what we DON’T like about our
partner will never change.
It’s difficult to shift habits, expectations
of other people are a challenge and some
things are just a part of who we are.
Hearing from someone that you love
that you’re doing it all wrong isn’t going
to go down so well, how would you feel if
your loved one expressed to you; ‘Hey
Hun, I think you’re parenting all wrong
here.’ I don’t think you’ll be smiling,
nodding your head in agreement and
saying; ‘Actually babe you’re right, I’m
parenting terribly!’
People don’t like to be ‘fixed,’ nor do
they like being told that they’re wrong.
While we all want to do the best that we
can with the knowledge that we have
most of the knowledge that we do have
is from our own parent’s, if your partner
thinks that ‘they turned out all right’
despite being smacked, than they’re not
going to take lightly you trying to ‘fix’ his