On the Coast – Families Issue 101 I August/September 2019 | Page 18

anxiety
Separation
in babies
and toddlers
BY LAURA KILN
PgDip (CBT) (Child & Adolescence), BSc (Hons) CMHN
S
eparation anxiety is normal during
early childhood development.
Separation anxiety is when a child
gets upset when separated from a parent
or loved carer. For example, a young
child may become distressed when
left with a baby sitter. Infants during
the first few months of life become
attached to their main carer or
carers. This is because they learn
that their carer can provide love,
attention, comfort
and nourishment.
It usually starts at about six to eight
months of age and can last until about two
and a half to four years. Sometimes it can
last longer if the child has had any painful
separations in the early years. Separation
anxiety reflects the child’s attempts to
hold on to what is safe in a very scary
world, and it will settle down as the child
grows older and more confident.
At around 10 months, most babies get
upset if a stranger comes up to them in
an unfamiliar room. Only 50% get upset
if they have time to get used to the room.
This means that in new situations, babies
cope better when they come across new
things gradually
ƒ ƒ A baby generally starts worrying about
being away from carers when he is old
enough to know that he is a separate
individual from his parents, that there
are special people in his life who look
after him, and when he can clearly
recognise the difference between
family members and strangers.
ƒ ƒ Knowing that the special person(s) is
near helps the child to feel safe as he
takes his first steps into a big and
scary world.
ƒ ƒ When the child’s special person is not
there, the child becomes upset – often
this brings the parent or carer back,
and the child feels safe again.
ƒ ƒ If a pattern is established where the
special person always comes back
after small separations, the child will
learn that the world is a safe place,
and he is able to be happy when the
special people aren’t there.
ƒ ƒ The separations need to be very short
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18
ON T H E C OA S T – FAM ILIES
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