OMG Digital Magazine OMG Issue 265 29th June 2017 | Page 6

OMG Digital Magazine | 265 | Thursday 29th June 2017 • PAGE 6
SoulFood
5 Things That Are
Holding You Back In Life
(and How to Overcome Them) By Martha Beck
Years ago, after being swindled by a business associate,
I became so confused and angry that I hired a life coach.
She listened compassionately while I whined, then
said, “Martha, I want you to pick a day when you’ll be
over this. It can be in a week or a year, but that will be
your graduation day. Once it comes, you’re done with
this subject.” I sort of missed the more therapeutic
“Let’s examine every tiny nuance of your feelings,” but
I gamely picked the next day. That night I complained
one last time, then shut my pie hole and got on with life.
That graduation was more empowering than earning
my PhD. It was so fortifying to achieve a degree of
mastery over my self-pity that I went on to graduate
from several other dysfunctional attitudes. In no case
were years of grueling course work required. Since the
word graduation comes from gradus, the Latin word for
“step,” we might say we graduate every time we step
forward without going back. If you’ve been specializing
in any of the following difficult subjects, you too are
probably ready to step into an advanced degree in
happiness.
Self-criticism.
The single best way to improve our well-being is to
show kindness toward ourselves and others. Since most
of us have more difficulty with the former, I recommend
that you focus first on graduating from self-criticism.
Think of something mean you tell yourself and choose
a date to begin replacing that thought with a gentler
option. Instead of fuming “I’m so stupid,” try saying “I’m
overwhelmed, but if I relax and breathe, I can figure
this out.” Instead of hating your body, pat it and say,
“Thanks for being an incredibly complex machine that
carries me through life.” You’ll find that kind thoughts
lead to more profound wisdom than cruel ones.
Humorlessness.
Laughter’s physiological and psychological benefits
have been the topic of many studies—all of which are
really unfunny, so let’s cut to the punch line: Amping
up your daily laughter rate may reduce stress, boost
immunity, and increase joy. I suggest that you start by
immersing yourself in hilarious YouTube videos; search
for “babies laughing” or “woman virtual reality roller
coaster.”
sunshine, try saying instead, “I know exercise is good
for me, but I dread it.” Feel that subtle energy shift?
Paradoxically, life often flows more easily when you
frankly admit it’s hard. When you can confess small
truths, the bigger ones tend to pop out, setting you on
a path to inner freedom.
Fear.
Distraction.
Not so long ago, telling someone you wanted to be
“more present” was weird, like saying you wanted to
keep your teeth in your mouth. Wherever you go, there
you are, right? Wrong. Most of us rarely settle into the
moment, because we’re too busy brooding over the
past, or fantasizing or fretting about the future.
Asian philosophers have long pointed out that this is
a terrible way to live, but many Westerners still find it
strange to consciously focus on the here and now. Like
laughter, however, this simple (though not always easy)
process may help heal our minds and bodies. You can
graduate into greater peace by establishing a “presence
practice”: Set a time each day to stop and bring your
full attention to whatever is going on around you and
within you. Just five minutes daily is enough. Even if you
take baby steps, you’re still moving forward.
Self-deception.
If an airplane loses its structural integrity—the proper
alignment of all its parts—it may fall right out of the sky.
This is metaphorically true for us as well. Integrity can
mean the difference between soaring and crashing.
I advise you to start simply, by telling yourself the truth,
even about little things. If you say, “I just love to run!”
yet repeatedly postpone workouts due to excessive
C.S. Lewis once wrote that we can never be sure of
our virtues, like honesty or compassion, until we face
our fears and put them to the test. Over time, we can
build our capacity for courage; again, the key is to start
small. What would you do if you weren’t afraid? March
for peace, sing in public, tell someone you love them?
Choose one thing from your list, and on graduation
day, do it. Then choose something a bit scarier. Then
a bit scarier than that. Each time you’ll get more
comfortable—and when you master bravery, every
other higher degree will be within your grasp.
Though these subjects may be challenging, I know you’ll
graduate with highest honors. And in my experience,
each diploma brings a deep sense of accomplishment
that motivates you to tackle the next issue. So pick a
date, plan a party, maybe buy yourself a graduation
present—then step forward into your higher degree of
happiness. Let the commencement commence!