OH! Magazine - Australian Version March 2014 (Australian Version) | Page 32

( Focus on Family )
NATASA
DENMAN

WHAT PARENTS REPRESS,
CHILDREN EXPRESS
Natasa Denman explores the notion of expression via repression.

ow do we maintain a healthy
relationship these days with our
kids? When we look deeply into things, it
becomes more obvious that our children
are a presentation of what we truly strive
for and want to improve within ourselves.
As parents it is easy to point out any
unwanted behavior in our children, but
how about us? We can be so quick to stop
certain behavior that is against our beliefs
as an adult.
Children are not born with any systems,
structures or beliefs but are introduced to
them along the way during their imprint
period between four and seven years.
Have you ever noticed that children tend
to go with what feels good, whereas
parents tend to go with what is right,
even if it feels bad? Since young children
are their true self, they resist and act out
if something feels bad. As adults, we are
ingrained with rules, structure and
systems that we believe we have to follow
to remain safe.
Parents tend to hide away beneath
systems and structures and never really

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express their true self, unless challenged
by their children and then, of course,
parents sedate it with conditioning.
Repression is actually one of the most
dangerous and harming states for our
wellbeing. It is much better to be angry or
sad or anything, actually, other than
repressed. This is because when you are
in repression, you have no feelings;
instead, there is just a dull, painful
nothingness. Alarmingly, according to
test case trials, over 30 per cent of
marriages has either one or both parties
living in a repressed state.
We are told from a young age expressing
our feelings of anger or sadness are ‘bad’
because they can cause discomfort for

other parties but you know what? Tough!
We need to learn from our children, and
sure, we need to have them express their
feelings in a resourceful way rather than
an unresourceful way. Watch your
children closely and don’t be too quick to
stamp out their emotions because you
might just learn something from it. In
fact, you may even improve the health of
your relationships both with others, but
also with yourself!
Parents can learn and understand
themselves
better
through
the
conditioning and actions of their own
children, because children’s actions are
raw and unadulterated. What this means
is that our children will display back to
us, exactly what it is that we are resistant
towards in our own adult life.
So the key to learning more about yourself
is to really watch your children, because
your children express freely, what you
have been repressing in your life. All
children need boundaries and, as I said
ear