OH! Magazine - Australian Version June 2016 - Page 22

( Emotional Fitness )




Emotional fitness expert Heidi Di Santo provides these tips to help you quit the judgement .
J udging seems like a fairly harmless thing to do , however it does create problems for you that include : robbing you of your inner peace ; turning you into a victim ; and telling other people that you ’ re not trustworthy . In this article , I want to share with you five ways to stop judging , so you can create a better quality of life for yourself .
Step 1 . Become aware
You cannot solve a problem until you realise you have a problem . The same goes with judgement . If you want to stop judging , you first need to become aware that you ’ re doing it . Many people have been brought up to judge and until you have awareness that you ’ re doing it , you ’ ll be unable to change this pattern . When you ’ ve got awareness , you have a choice . Do you want to continue judging knowing the above consequences or do you want to start to think differently ?
Step 2 . Understand and communicate
Judging is a way you close yourself off from truly knowing the facts about a person or situation . Therefore , the antidote to judging is understanding and communication . When you find yourself being judgemental , start to become curious ; seek to understand the facts more fully . an ‘ ass ’ out of ‘ u ’ and ‘ me ’ really applies here . There is always more to every story and if you want to become less judgemental then your role is to uncover what that ‘ more ’ is !
Step 3 . Accept and feel
Judgement is a tool that many people unconsciously use to avoid facing their own feelings . People often see in others what they are unable or unwilling to see in themself . Therefore , whenever you find yourself judging someone or something , stop and ask yourself ‘ what am I not feeling or owning in myself ?’
The more you can accept people for ‘ who they are ’ and not ‘ who you want them to be ’, the more peaceful your life will become because you ’ ll take ownership of your ‘ stuff ’ and stop projecting it onto others . You ’ ll also stop trying to control others .
Remember , you can ’ t change the past . But when you complain , whinge and judge , you ’ re not accepting ‘ what is ’ and you ’ re actually resisting life , which creates stress . Acceptance is the opposite to resistance ( judgement ). The more you can accept situations and ‘ feel ’ the emotions that arise as a result , the less you ’ ll feel the need to complain and judge . something that is nice , positive or constructive . The more ‘ good ’ you can see in others , the more ‘ good ’ shows up in your life – simply because you get what you focus on in life .
Step 5 . Get help
If you ’ ve tried to implement these four steps and still can ’ t stop judging then you ’ ve probably got a part of you that would benefit from some professional assistance , like a therapist . I particularly like ‘ Resource Therapy ’, because the therapist can quickly locate and help the part within you , that is in need .
To watch Heidi speak about this topic , visit www . youtube . com / watch ? v = 1c-n-Is58vM or to learn more , read her book I Should Be Happy But I ’ m Not , download her FREE eBook or work with me Heidi via her Life Transformation Program . Details available http :// heidi . com . au
YOU CAN CONTACT HEIDI VIA : Web : heidi . com . au Facebook : Heidi-Di-Santo-Emotional- Fitness-Specialist-299600633422574 /
There are different ways of looking at every situation and there are also many reasons why people do what they do . Being able to step back and see the full picture ( or being able to dig deeper rather than jumping to conclusions ) enables you to become less reactive and more balanced in life .
The old saying that ‘ assuming ’ just makes
Acceptance enables you to move out from feeling like a victim , so you can take control of your life .
Step 4 . Think differently
When you find yourself being judgemental , start to think differently . If you ’ re being critical , train your mind to think or say
22 JUNE 2016 ( OH ! MAGAZINE )