D
r Daniel Siegel, expert on Mindsight and Interpersonal Neurobiology, describes mindfulness as the practice of attending to the
and attunement are effectively grown from the pre-frontal cortex of the brain. Interestingly, it is also this part of the brain that is activated through mindfulness. However, it is somewhat idealistic to assume that we all grow up in an empathic family environment with well-attuned parents. To some extent, all people incur fissures in their primary relationships with their caregivers. In today's age, in particular, parents are overwhelmed with a high-paced environment; as well as competing work and family demands. The result can be a break in the parent-child relationship and the child feeling 'not felt'. This lack of attunement creates insecure attachment and equally can result in the individual growing up with less than ideal resilience and connection to their world. However, the human brain has an extraordinary ability to change physically throughout our lives. We call this neuroplasticity of the brain. Even more profound is that scientific work has helped us to understand that we can remould these less than ideal formative experiences. When we choose to live mindfully, those positive pre-frontal neurons are activated and their fibres extend to other important parts of the brain. Similarly when we learn to be in attuned adult relationships, we physically start to rewire our brains to create more joy in our lives. The most important factor is that we have an ability to learn the skills of mindfulness in our relationships with ourselves and with others. Siegel discusses his 'SOCK' (sensation, observation, conceptualisation and knowing) skills. Sensation is the art of learning to tune into raw feelings without the anxiety of words in our brain. Observation is a key skill that allows us to notice the destructive words, traumas or images in our brains without attaching wired emotions to them. Conceptual work involves building an understanding of the physiological function of the brain that is contributing to the internal storm. Knowing is also
richness of our current experiences by having a focused presence. His research work has demonstrated that mindful practices have significant positive effects on our interpersonal relationships. We know that the core of mindfulness hinges on the focus of one's attention on one's own mind. Many of us assume that, as self-aware and intelligent human beings, we are doing this automatically. It had been thought that this ability sets us apart from other mammals, giving us the capacity to think about our lives and ourselves (though recent research shows that chimps, dolphins and several other higher order mammals can do similar things – but that's another story). However, mindfulness is more than a mere ability to self-reflect. Our intuitive connection with our emotions, thoughts and behaviours in the present, requires practice. Often we think we are being mindful, but our thoughts and emotions are running off elsewhere. Siegel suggests that the process is about learning to 'become your own best friend' by tuning into the moment. In this process of awareness and attunement with self, somehow, we are able to slow down, surrender all the multi-tasking that our time-starved world demands, and focus our genuine attention on self and others. We know that this is the source of secure attachment between parent and child. As children, when our parents are attuned to our needs, we feel loved and cared for in the moment. This has an effect on the physiology of our brain. The pre-frontal cortex is where neurons are activated and when our secure love grows, the prefrontal fibres in our brains extend to other parts of the brain. This process is called pre-frontal integration and has been proved scientifically to be the foundation of well-being and happiness in people. Hence we know that strong relationships, filled with empathy, resilience
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