The Golf Cart
CHRONICLES
BY: SUZY JAMES - WWW.ITSNEVER2LATEBOOKS.COM
This Is A Story taken from The Golf Cart Chronicles - A Compilation Of Funny Golf Cart/Golfing Related Short Stories
BAD GOLF DAY
Go Away
SUZY JAMES, Author
F
or some unknown
reason, I had a very
bad golfing day today.
My favorite psychedelic
golfing socks got holes in
both heels. Why is it the
stupid socks I hate keep
on ticking?
I accidentally dropped
a full glass of OJ on my
new ceramic tile kitchen
floor, glass not broken,
slipped on a few drops of
juice missed wiping up,
twisted previously broken
left ankle, hurt like hell,
out of pain relievers, no
ice cubes in freezer, wrap
two bottles cold water
around sore ankle with
stupid socks I hate, one
bottle cap was loose, flew
off on floor somewhere,
36
good foot stepped on missing bottle
cap, slid across wet floor, landed on
my ass-backwards, bumped elbow
against corner of table, reached for
sofa pillow to rest painful ankle,
feathers burst out everywhere, and
got a feather up my nose, sneezed it
out, landed on revolving ceiling fan
blade and hit a bullseye in my right
eyeball.
Got up, hobbled into kitchen to
finish last of hour old cold coffee,
missed grabbing cup handle, took
to the air, whacked front door of
stove, glass panel fell out. Washed
OJ glass, had a crack from fall,
when drying juice glass it shattered
in hand, got a cut and drew blood
on left favorite golf club grip hand,
no bandages, wrapped wound with
wife’s favorite show-and-tell never
used tea towel, not new anymore.
Golf buddy honks my golf car horn
outside, trip on last porch step,
WWW.GOLFCAROPTIONS.COM
fall forward, near right front tire,
damn thing is flat. While golf buddy
repairs flat tire, flock of Canadian
geese flying overhead, drop poop on
my head, buddy, car, bandaged left
hand, and aching ankle. Use golf
towels in place of pooper-scooper to
wipe off stinky blobs of yucky bird
goop.
Finally get to golf course, look at
clock, thirty minutes late for tee off
time, must wait for one hour before
next slot is open. Use washroom in
clubhouse to clean up, pump foamy
hand soap from dispenser with good
right hand, malfunction causes soap
to land all over tile floor, welcome
to skating rink using golf shoes.
Reach for paper towels, none there,
no toilet paper, throw foul smelling
poopy golf towels on floor to avoid
slipping, grab water tap for balance,
tap handle falls off and lands on tea
towel wrapped injured left hand,
scream bloody murder, no answer,