Oasis Magazine - Cairns & Tropical North Queensland Issue 28 - Feb | Mar 2019 | Page 8

Hijinx on the
HIGH SEAS
WARNER’S CORNER
DAVE WARNER
Star 102.7
‘Meet me on the lido deck’ is a
phrase I hadn’t heard since watch-
ing Captain Merrill Stubing and his
crew of merry match-makers
play cupid to guest celebrities
onboard 80’s television show The
Love Boat – clearly Knightrider or
The A-Team weren’t on – but I
never understood why it was called
‘lido’ and to be honest didn’t really
care because it didn’t have car
chases or Mr T in it. Fast forward to
a few weeks ago and there I am,
standing on a bloody lido deck. My Mum’s a big advocate, she’s
been on a few – which sort of sup-
ports my stereotyping – with her
favourite being the ‘Blue Suede
Cruise’, an homage to Elvis and his
many impersonators. Mum and my
Auntie Pam front row at every show
screaming and crying and carrying
on like the kids do with Beiber.
Shakin’ all over at a fat guy in a
diamante jump suit pretending to
be Elvis – embarrassing. But she
loved it, with the boat literally
rocking and rolling on the high C’s.
I’d always stereotyped going on a
cruise as a certain stage of life
activity, like when you reach 60
you’re given a starter kit that
contains stuff like a bingo dauber,
tickets to a taping of The Midday
Show with Ray Martin and a
lanyard with a P&O Cruise Card. Despite Huey Lewis and Gwyneth
Paltrow wrecking the idea of
Cruisin’ with that god awful duet
they did, and my mum ‘selling’ the
concept with this statement;
‘There’s plenty to do honey, they
even have cake icing demonstra-
tions’, we went anyway. And we had
a boat-load of fun. There’s pretty
much a party every night, the Gold
party, the Gatsby, the Sunset, the
White, the Tropical - the only theme
missing was a Political Party –
which aren’t much fun anyway as
they invariably end in a mutiny.
And if you want to put a bit more
‘wattage in your knotage’ go
with the drinks package as these
hulking vessels have more bars
than Pink Floyd’s ‘Shine on you
Crazy Diamond’ – I haven’t actually
counted the bars in the song but at
26 minutes there’s a lot. Pretty sure
scurvy’s not really a thing anymore
but best to keep those Corona’s
with lime coming just to be sure.
So ooh-ray and up she rises you
salty old sea-dogs, if you’re up for a
briny adventure then I’ll meet you
on the Lido Deck.