Walk Away
Let’s say that every day you woke up and a pig flew
by your window. Now we know pigs do not fly, but
for you, every morning you saw a pig fly by your
window. For the rest of us, we are used to seeing
birds fly outside of our windows. So much so,
that we hardly notice. It blends into our everyday
routine, and after a while we barely notice the
bird. Just like city dwellers don’t really hear sirens,
but that same siren is a glaring imposition on the
serenity of a suburbia person. One woman’s pigeon
is another woman’s pig.
Okay, got it? Now let’s say that pig that flew by
every morning was really your mother getting
punched in the face by her boyfriend. This
happened every morning. So much so, you noticed
when it did not happen. Sure, it hurt to hear your
mom scream and cry. You felt powerless when you
saw her bruised face. Of course you knew this was
wrong, but this is what you saw. This was normal
to you and what became the usual. You woke up to
the punch. You missed his behaviors prior to him
throwing those punches.
So now here you are and you have found “the
one.” Sure there are a few things that you overlook
because after all, his extreme jealously is cute. It
is a sign of how much he really loves you, right?
His possessiveness means he is so protective. That
time he took off from work to surprise you while
you were in class was not “stalker-ish”, but just
him being fun and unpredictable. All of these are
signs of an abuser. These are the behaviors you
missed when your mother was being abused by her
boyfriend.
Here is a list of signs of an abusive partner
according to New Hope for Women (2017):
JEALOUSY
At the start of the relationship, an abuser will
equate jealously with love. The abuser will question
the victim about who the victim talks to, accuse
the victim of flirting, or become jealous of time
spent with others. The abuser may call the victim
frequently during the day, drop by unexpectedly,
refuse to let the victim work, check the car mileage,
or ask friends to watch the victim.
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
In the beginning an abuser will attribute controlling
behavior to concern for the victim (for example,
the victim’s safety or decision-making skills). As this
behavior progresses, the situation will worsen and
the abuser may assume all control of finances, or
prevent the victim from coming and going freely.
NURA Magazine 49