ABUSE MAGAZINE disappointed or upset . But instead of letting those feelings stop you from talking , put them into words as part of the conversation . For example :
• “ Mom , I need to talk to you — but I ’ m afraid I ’ ll disappoint you .”
• “ Dad , I need to talk to you about something — but it ’ s kind of embarrassing .”
What if you think a parent may be unsupportive , harsh , or critical ? It can help to defuse things by beginning with a statement like , “ Mom , I have something to tell you . I ’ m not proud of what I ’ ve done , and you might be mad . But I know I need to tell you . Can you hear me out ?”
Step 3 : Pick a Good Time to Talk
Approach your parent when he or she isn ’ t busy with something else . Ask , “ Can we talk ? Is now a good time ?” Driving in the car or going for a walk can be great opportunities to talk . If it ’ s hard to find a good time , say , “ I need to talk to you . When is a good time ?”
Difficult conversations benefit from good planning . Think ahead about what you want to say or ask . Write down the most important ideas if you need to .
How to Talk So Parents Will Listen
As most of us know , talking and listening don ’ t go smoothly every time . Emotions and past experiences can get in the way .
Will parents take you seriously , believe what you say , listen to and respect your opinions , and hear you out without interrupting ? A lot depends on your parent . Some parents are easy to talk to , some are great listeners , and some are harder to approach .
But some of what happens depends on you , too . Since communication is a two-way street , the way you talk can influence how well a parent listens and understands you .
So here are some guidelines to consider when talking to parents :
• Be clear and direct . Be as clear as you can about what you think , feel , and want . Give details that can help parents understand your situation . They can listen better or be more helpful if they understand what you mean and what ’ s really going on .
• Be honest . If you ’ re always honest , a parent will be likely to believe what you say . If you sometimes hide the truth or add too much drama , parents will have a harder time believing what you tell them . If you lie , they ’ ll find it hard to trust you .
• Try to understand their point of view . If you have a disagreement , can you see your parents ’ side ? If you can , say so . Telling parents you understand their views and feelings helps them be willing to see yours , too .
• Try not to argue or whine . Using a tone that ’ s friendly and respectful makes it more likely parents will listen and take what you say seriously . It also makes it more likely that they ’ ll talk to you in the same way . Of course , this is hard for any of us ( adults included ) when we ’ re feeling heated about something . If you think your emotions might get the better of you , do something to blow off steam before talking : Go for a run . Cry . Hit your pillow . Do whatever it takes to sound calm when you need to .
What If Talking to Parents Doesn ’ t Work ?
Your parents won ’ t always see things your way and they won ’ t always say yes to what you ask . They might listen respectfully , understand your point of view , and do everything you need except say yes . It can be hard to take no for an answer . But gracefully accepting a no can help you get more yeses in the future .
What if it ’ s more than just saying no to something , though ? What if you really need your parents to be there for you but they can ’ t ? Some parents have troubles of their own . Others just can ’ t be available in the ways their kids need and deserve . Others have a hard time being flexible .
If you can ’ t talk to your parents , seek out other adults you can trust . Find a relative , a teacher , or a counselor who will listen , understand , encourage , believe in you , and care . Then follow all the tips above to get the most from your conversation with that person .
Acting respectfully demonstrates maturity . Parents are more likely to think of their children as grown up ( and , as a result , capable of making more important decisions ) when they see them acting maturely . Give these tips a try and you ’ ll come across that way — maybe even more mature than your parents !
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