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ABUSE MAGAZINE
TALKING
TO PARENTS

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Talking to your
parents — or
other Adults
Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD

You probably talk to friends way more
than you talk to your parents. That’s natural. Even if you and your parents have a
great relationship, you want to find your
own path and make your own choices.
Still, most of us want a parent’s help,
advice, and support at times. But talking
to the adults in your life can seem difficult
or intimidating — especially when it comes
to certain subjects. Here are some tips to
make it easier.

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Talk About Everyday Stuff —
and Do It Every Day

• simply listen and understand what
you’re going through without offering
advice or commentary

The more you do something, the easier
it gets. Talking to the adults in your life
about everyday stuff builds a bond that can
smooth the way for when you need to discuss something more serious.

• give permission or support for
something
• offer you advice or help

Find something trivial to chat about
each day. Talk about how your team did
at the track meet. Share something one of
your teachers said. Even small talk about
what’s for dinner can keep your relationship strong and comfortable.
It’s never too late to start. If you feel
your relationship with your parents is
strained, try easing into conversations.
Mention that cute thing the dog did. Talk
about how well your little sister is doing in
math. Chatting with parents every day not
only keeps an existing relationship strong,
it also can help a frayed relationship get
stronger.

• guide you back on track if you’re in
trouble — in a way that’s fair and
without harsh criticism or put-downs
Why think about this before you begin
talking? So you can say why you want to
talk in a way that communicates what you
need. For example:
• “Mom, I need to tell you about a
problem I’m having, but I need you to
just listen, OK? Don’t give me advice
— I just want you to know what’s
bothering me.”
• “Dad, I need to get your permission to
go on a class trip next week. Can I tell
you about it?”
• “Grandad, I need your advice about
something. Can we talk?”
Step 2: Identify Your Feelings

Maybe you need to break bad news to
a parent, like getting a speeding ticket or
failing an exam. Perhaps you’re feeling
scared or stressed about something. Or
maybe you just really want to tell your parents about your new boyfriend or girlfriend,
but you don’t know how they’ll react, how

| North Dakota Spring/Summer 2014 | abusemagazine.org

Step 1: Know What You Want From the
Conversation

What you hope to achieve can vary. Most
often you’ll probably want the adults in
your life to do one or more of these things:

Raising Difficult Topics

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Here are 3 steps to help you prepare for
that talk.

It takes maturity to figure out what you
want to get out of a conversation. (Most
adults aren’t so good at this!)

When parents feel connected to your
daily life, they can be there for you if something really important comes up.

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it will feel to tell them, or how to find the
words.

Things like personal feelings or sex are
awkward to discuss with anyone, let alone
a parent. It’s natural to be nervous when
talking about sensitive topics.
Recognize how you’re feeling — for
example, maybe you’re worried that telling
parents about a problem will make them

Source: http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/talk_to_parents.html