HEALTH & WELLNESS
Bottles & Badges helps first
responders in recovery
“Hi, my name is Jim, and I’m an alcoholic.”
I haven’t always introduced myself that way, but
May 21, 1993 was the day that I surrendered to my
addiction and stopped denying that I was an alcohol-
ic. It was in the 13th year of my police career when
I finally decided to get help. Up until that moment,
however, I fought a daily internal battle trying to con-
vince myself that I had control of my drinking. Un-
fortunately, I didn’t realize how cunning, baffling and
JIM S.
Peer Support powerful my disease was until I tried to stop.
Specialist
I had become what is known as a “closet drinker.”
I was a lone drinker, doing most of my drinking at
home. On occasion though, I would meet up with some of my po-
lice coworkers at a bar after work, where I would have one or two
beers with them, then leave. What they didn’t know is that I drank
half a pint of vodka before getting to the bar, and another half when
I left. Why? Because I couldn’t let anyone see how much I really
drank. In my head, I had to maintain a certain status, position and
façade for those who knew and worked with me. It was all a scam.
My rules for drinking…and dealing with the consequences
As a police officer, I vowed to uphold the law, and to protect and
serve my community. Keeping this in mind, I vowed never to drink
alcohol before my shift or during my tour of duty.
What I didn’t realize, but should have remembered from my po-
lice training, is that the body doesn’t lie. It reacts when deprived
of what it needs. For me, not drinking before or during duty left
me with withdrawal symptoms: shaky hands, pounding head-
aches, body aches and nausea that had me worried about vomiting
anything I ate or drank. I couldn’t even bring a cup of coffee to my
mouth without spilling half of it down my shirt because my hands
shook so badly. I started to withdraw from friends and coworkers,
talked less, and became less confident and more fearful.
First responder expectations
I had become a dangerous liability to myself, my coworkers, my
department and the community. As police officers, we are trained
not to give up, but rather to push forward and prevail. We are ex-
pected to always be in control and not show weakness. Because of
this unspoken reality, I had to suffer in silence. I couldn’t tell any-
one about how I was feeling or that I had a major drinking problem.
The hardest decision I ever made was to ask for help.
It has been 25 years since I began my recovery. Drinking had
taken me prisoner and was just as confining as handcuffs. My
response was to rely on training: running toward what was hard,
which this time meant running toward sobriety.
Seventeen years after I became sober, I completed my law en-
forcement career and retired with pride.
Bottles & Badges: just for first responders
Today, I introduce myself as an alcoholic whenever I’m at one of
my Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings, including the “Bottles &
Badges” meetings, which are AA groups for law enforcement offi-
cers and firefighters.
The Bottles & Badges meetings were specifically designed for
those of us in these professions to have a safe and confidential en-
vironment where we can go to share our concerns, not only about
our addiction but also about obstacles and issues that may be
unique to our line of work.
In New Jersey, there are Bottles & Badges meetings throughout
the state. All meetings begin at 7 p.m.
Help is available. Support is, too. If you are concerned about
your drinking, or if others are, Bottles & Badges is open to any first
Day of the week Location Call for information
Monday Woodbridge 908-380-7422
Tuesday Lincroft 732-763-8558 or 908-380-7422
Wednesday Princeton
Union 908-403-8575 (Union County area)
862-345-0145 (Passaic County area)
908-380-7422 (Middlesex County area)
Thursday Somerville 908-380-7422
Friday Union 908-403-8575 (Union County area),
862-345-0145 (Passaic County area),
908-380-7422 (Middlesex County area)
Sunday Fairfield 973-903-0878
responder who wants to do something about his or her drinking
problem.d
Jim S. is a peer support specialist at Princeton House Behavioral
He alth’s First Responder Treatment Services, where he works with
law enforcement officers, firefighters, EMTs, military personnel and
other first responders who struggle with trauma, addiction, depres-
sion and other mental health issues. Jim served in the U.S. Army as
a military police officer and for 30 years with the Westfield Police
Department. Jim has been involved in addiction recovery for more
than 20 years.
www.njcopsmagazine.com
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