grates its heroes’ long lives into its
action scenes. You might imagine
Andy and co. employing a range
of weaponry and tactics gleaned
through the ages, but that’s not
the case here, and under Gina
Prince-Bythewood’s TV-like direction,
the action scenes (which are
thin on the ground) are as generic
as any other comic book movie,
relying on the now de rigueur
“double-tap” gun-fu style that
grew tiresome across three John
Wick movies. References to past
dust-ups are dropped in dialogue
(“Remember Sao Paulo in 34?”)
but more flashbacks are required
to truly give us a sense of what
this lot have experienced. This is a
movie - show us what they’ve endured,
don’t simply tell us. Despite
its faults, this year’s Vin Diesel vehicle
Bloodshot was a more interesting
take on a similar premise.
For centuries-old warriors, Andy’s
team are remarkably naive, perhaps
the most incompetent heroes
since Adam West and Burt Ward
sucked in their bellies to don their
unflattering Batman and Robin
costumes. In the first half alone we
witness Andy allow herself to be
set up for an ambush, fall asleep
so someone else can tie her up,
and somehow miss the small army
attacking her three subordinates
while she has a pep talk with Nile
only a few meters away. The villains
aren’t any better. Fully aware
of their combatants’ immortality,
they keep trying to shoot them
rather than blowing them to bits.
Can Andy recover from being
blown to smithereens? Would her
body parts regroup like a liquid
Terminator? The movie relies on
your never asking such an inconvenient
question.
With a lack of summer blockbusters
at the cinema this summer,
Netflix will be hoping The Old
Guard can quench the thirst of
action fans. But if you’re expecting
large scale action, look else-
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