The 30-second article
Tough clients are rarely tough
In fact, few clients are truly ‘tough’ in the sense that there’s something
so fundamentally difficult and dysfunctional about them that nearly
any coach might fail.
Most of the time, ‘tough clients’ are not ‘tough’ at all – there’s just
a mis-match between expectations, skills, and reality.
In other words, usually one or more of the following is true:
• You and/or the client are expecting results that don’t match
the client’s actual capacity to deliver those results. For
instance, how can a client without strong food prep skills stick
to a meal plan? How can a client who can’t stabilise their spine
improve their squat?
• You’re lecturing, telling, advising, suggesting, and directing…
rather than listening, understanding, exploring, and
collaborating. The more you push, the more clients will push
back, and the less you comprehend what your client truly needs
and wants.
• You and/or the client are starting from 100 and working
backwards, rather than starting from 0 and working forwards.
In other words, you and/or your client are looking for ‘perfect
performance’ (however you may define that) and then finding all
the ways the client doesn’t measure up to that standard, rather
than starting from zero and finding (and celebrating) all the client’s
small achievements and successes. You might get irritated with a
client that ‘only’ works out twice a week, when in reality this is a
victory for someone that may have previously never worked out.
• Your client isn’t ready, willing, and/or able to think, feel, or
behave in the ways that they need in order to see progress.
Perhaps they aren’t ready to change, or their mindset needs work,
How might you inadvertently be creating the resistance
you’re feeling from clients, even (or especially) if you
really, really want to help?
50 | NETWORK WINTER 2018
• Most of the time, ‘tough clients’ are not
‘tough’ – there’s just a mis-match
between expectations, skills, and reality
• Stop directing, lecturing, telling,
suggesting, and anything else that
tries to push people in one direction or
another – and instead, listen and ask
relevant questions
• Many problems happen simply
because clients don’t have the skills
they need in order to adopt the
behaviours that will lead to their goals
• Instead of overly focusing on what they
can’t do, highlight successes and try to
do more of what’s already working
• For real change to be effected, you
need to collaborate with clients to help
them generate their own solutions.
or they’re hesitant to give up old habits
that are problematic but familiar. There
may be very good reasons for this.
• Your client has other factors in their
life that are getting in the way. Few of
us are professional athletes that are paid
to eat properly, train, and recover, and
for whom performance is a job. People’s
lives are complex. They’re juggling a lot,
and often just trying to hold it all together.
• You want this more than your client
does. They care maybe a 5/10, and you
care a 10/10 (it’s your job to!) So, naturally,
you urge, and push, and coax, and care
really hard, and feel disappointed when
they only give 50% effort.
How to start troubleshooting
You can spend your life mastering coaching,
and the art of helping people change. But
here’s a starter guide.
1 Accept reality, compassionately
Frustration is just arguing with reality. So
give up the tug-of-war with facts.
Instead, accept your clients as they
are, right now. Try to empathise with
their situation, and what they might be
struggling with.
Paradoxically, compassionate acceptance
is more like