To Table of Contents
From a young age , I have clear memories of being shamed for my body image and size . From the innocence of my reception classmates saying I “ looked funny ” . . . to the 15-year-olds shouting “ freak ” down the secondary school corridors . Be it right or not , I guess you can say “ I ’ m used to it ”, so more times than not I brush it off ... cold shoulder , because truthfully there are not enough hours in the day to give attention to every person who stares at you as you walk down the street , I ’ ve mastered the brave face . But that doesn ’ t mean I always want to use it and sometimes the armour you wear on the outside , cannot always protect you from the hurt it causes within .
Before the age of 13 - no one mentioned my size . As far as I was concerned it was no more than a physical characteristic - and even then , I wished every day that it wasn ’ t . I tried to dismiss that it was even part of who I was at all . I was stuck in a trance of longing to be someone else , when truthfully all I really wanted , was to be ok with being me as I was . I spent a long time waiting for the day ‘ it was ok ’.
But something I ’ ve had to learn as I ’ ve got older . Is there is no real point where it suddenly all becomes ok . And accepting this is a hard pill to swallow .
From a secondary school teen , my mental health has been my demon-fed and fuelled by a struggle to find acceptance of the path I was put on . Bullying was also a feeder of that demon - The opinions pressed on me by the wider worldoften reformed themselves into my own self-doubts .
Age 15 , whilst walking home one evening , I had abuse hurled at me , with cans and footballs thrown in my direction . I ’ ve had my face photoshopped on memes .
I ’ ve been followed and filmed in the streets . Had my social media leaked onto “ just for fun pages ”. I ’ ve been called every name under the sun . . . Fat . Ugly . Freak . Monster . Been told that I should ’ ve been given up as a child . Some even going as far as telling me my existence on this planet isn ’ t worthy . And for what ? Because I happen to be 1 metre shorter than the average adult , my life doesn ’ t hold as much value as if I happened to be 100cm taller ?
I ’ m not going to bore you with the jargon and statistics behind my physique , but the simplest way to explain how my condition became a thing , can be done in two words . Genetic fluke .