“When I was young, I thought that way. I always wanted to wear girls clothes
but I didn’t know why. I also liked boys from the time I was very young, but I
thought I must be gay. It was only after I came into contact with this work that
I understood what it was to be transgender, and I finally realized that I wasn’t
gay.”71
Yanyan spent her adolescence feeling bewildered and inhibited, not daring to tell
anyone her innermost thoughts:
“Starting in middle school, I felt I was different from other boys. I felt that I was
a girl born in a boy’s body. At the time, this was terribly confusing. I wondered
why I was this way, and if I was the only person like this in the whole world. I felt
very inhibited and didn’t dare tell anyone how I felt – not my parents, friends,
classmates or teachers... Finally, while in high school I happened to be leafing
through a magazine and read an article about a Beijing doctor, Chen Huanran,
who had carried out China’s first sex reassignment surgery. Then I knew that I
wasn’t the only person like this in the world, that there were others, and I didn’t
feel so alone anymore.”72
Gender identity is different from sexual orientation. A transgender person may be
homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual. Yuner describes herself as a woman who likes
women: “I feel that I like women, but even more that I am a woman. I’ve had contact
with men, but I haven’t had relationships with them. With sex reassignment, I still like
women but consider myself a woman even more.”73
Although 43% of the interviewees identified as female, only 25% intended to undergo
gender reaffirming surgeries, underscoring the point that medical procedures are
not necessary or even desired in order for an individual to identify as a woman. The
expense of surgery, social bias, and pressure from families are factors also to be
considered. Feifei said, “I’ve never considered sex reassignment. It’s too difficult. I only
hope to be born a woman in the next life.”74
Among the interviewees who did not identify as women but dressed as women for sex
work, there were also a variety of motivations. Xiao Zhou felt that it was more exciting
to be with heterosexual men while dressed as a woman:
71 Interview with Tingting, Shanghai, April 29, 2014.
72 Interview with Yanyan, Shanghai, June 16, 2014.
73 Interview with Yuner, Shanghai, April 10, 2014.
74 Interview with Feifei, Beijing April 20, 2014.
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