Afer a few months of courtship, I moved in with him and was helping out with house chores. Then the
beatng started. At that tme, and because of the environment I was born and raised in, I never saw the
violence for what it was - violence and physical assault. It was something I ofen witnessed with couples
around me therefore, it had become a normal thing to me. I used to think that it was normal for a man
to beat his wife - ignorance at its peak.
We contnued like that for many years. It became a constant cycle of Fightng - Packing my things and
leaving - Reconciliaton. Sometmes my family interfered and would ask that the marriage be dissolved
but I insisted on contnuing with the toxic cycle. I’m sure you’re wantng to know why I wouldn’t leave;
well, the reason is I thought I had freedom in my abusive home/marriage than at my parents’. Every
tme I thought of our uueen-sized bed, I never wanted to go back home to papa “How do I manage in a
one bedroom with papa’s wife and his two children (my half siblings)?r, I’d ask myself... The answer
never came to me, so I contnued to endure the emotonal, verbal and physical abuse and the
subsequent pains that came with it. It got so toxic to the point where I’d reach for a knife in the kitchen
whenever he tries to put his hands on me.
We wedded afer 10yrs of living together as a common law couple. It wasn’t all bad; there were happy
days, good days and bad days; but the bad days (and memories) surpassed the good tmes.
Afer all, what's the point of the good tmes when your mind is not always at peace?
Travelling to the United Kingdom (UK) with him, and going social media (Facebook especially) gradually
opened my eyes to the reality of my situaton. There is power on social media.
While in the UK, the abuse contnued. One day, when the beatngs became highly unbearable, I called
the cops. When they came, I was asked if he was beatng me and I denied it - there goes my ignorance
raring it’s ugly head yet again. I denied it because I had heard he could be deported and that might have
an impact on his career. Because I couldn't bear that guilt, I lied to the police that I was just screaming
for no apparent reason. Did my ex appreciate that? Certainly OT He was too arrogant to see that I had
just done him a huge favour and instead of him to change his ways, my actons emboldened him even
more.
I asked the police to escort me out of the house (and away from him) so I could cool of for a while. I was
away for a few days and during that tme, I stayed with a friend. My husband would call and plead with
me to return home so we could plan our trip back to igeria. I told him I will come back, but on the