ROAD RUNNING
Moments before disaster , winning the SA Marathon title at the Durban International Marathon
can contact . I ’ m still practising the reach out when you need help thing , but I ’ m able to talk myself out of self-harming , because there are better things that I can do now to cope with it .
One of the reasons I ’ m so open to talking about it is that I want other people to know that it is okay to speak up . If something is going on , speak up about it when it is going on , so we can put a stop to it , because it doesn ’ t help 10 or 15 years down the line . I want to tell girls that even if you have gone through something really hard , there are still good things that you can do with your life . Not everything about your life has to be bad for the rest of your life . I don ’ t think I ’ ve had the easiest life , but there are still good things that I can achieve in my life . I don ’ t think you need to let these bad things determine what your destiny is going to be . At the end of the day , you have a choice what you ’ re going to do , and where you ’ re going to go forward with that .
SF : You said that running became your escape . Can you elaborate on the role it played , and most like still plays , in your healing process ?
CO : I do think in the beginning , it was a crutch , and sometimes you do need that crutch just to stand ... but if you go for knee surgery , a crutch isn ’ t long term . It ’ s there to help you for a little bit , and then you find a better way to walk with your knee , to move forward . I think that ’ s how you should view crutches in life . Even if there ’ s an antidepressant or something that you have to take , I know some people have to be on them always , but sometimes it is just a crutch to get you through , so you can work through what is actually triggering it .
That ’ s why I decided that I didn ’ t want my running to be my outlet , because I didn ’ t think that was fair on my training . For example , if I am feeling angry , and I go for a run to get rid of that anger , I ’ m going to run too fast , and too hard . Instead , I ’ m allowed to enjoy my running , and thus it is a good escape , a good time with myself . I think you need better outlets that are not a sport that you ’ re trying to really compete in , because if I ’ m having a bad week , I can ’ t say to George , sorry , I ran way too fast every
Cian uses running to cope with her darker moments day this week because I ’ m just not in a good space . That ’ s not beneficial , so it ’ s been about learning to practise healthier coping mechanisms , and still something that I am I ’ m working hard on .
SF : That analogy of knee surgery and a crutch is incredibly strong . If I may offer an opinion , I think your shoulder issue is a parallel … an ongoing thing that you have to manage , and deal with , but along with everything else in life , you ’ ve found a way to make it work for you .
CO : Yes , I think it ’ s practising to be aware , knowing these things might happen , and still moving forward . I might go into a really bad week , but what am I going to do in that week ? Because you can feel when it ’ s coming on . It ’ s just like with an injured knee , when it starts getting a little irritated , you know that you should probably go to physio before it gets too bad . Similarly , I know when I am starting to move into a bad place , and I know reaching out to friends , giving someone a call , making sure I do something as opposed to just sitting in my room by myself for a few hours is going to be a lot more beneficial for me .
That ’ s why I was very aware of , and a little bit scared of , the post-Olympic depression . I had a minor dip the week after the Games , but I had a session with my life coach , and I had my boyfriend and my mum supporting me , and other friends , because I had set up a safety net on the other side already ,
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