anything like it ! |
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With boyfriend James Gerber also being an athlete , training is sometimes a double act |
Cian with proud mom and number one supporter , Ilma Stockton |
SF : So that meant more time off running , and a complete disruption of your training ahead of Paris ...
CO : Yes , that ’ s right . After Durban , I had five weeks of no running , which meant I only had 11 weeks left to train for Paris , and only six weeks of that was marathon-specific training . It was really frustrating when we were still trying to figure out what was happening with my hip , and then it was nerve-wracking to watch the weeks on the calendar disappearing . I remember saying , okay , so that ’ s 12 weeks left … make that 11 … now we have 10 weeks and five days . I was just counting down as the days disappeared . My first run back was even more nervewracking , because I hadn ’ t run in quite a while , and I knew we had just over 10 weeks to go . I thought to myself , If I can ’ t run comfortably or pain-free on this run , then I ’ m really in trouble . Luckily , even though I felt really awkward out there on that run , it was painfree , and that was just a huge relief .
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SMacPix , Daniel Morris , Ilma Stockton & courtesy Cian Oldknow , Seville Marathon , Durban International Marathon , Hollywood Bets Durban 10K , World Athletics |
you have to do this , because you ’ ve got big things coming , so you just have to get started . Sometimes you just need a little bit of a kick , but that ’ s what your support system is there for . |
SF : Speaking of injuries , let ’ s touch on the shoulder problem you ’ ve had for many years , where your shoulder pops out of its sockets , sometimes even during a race ! Having had surgery on the issue , do you feel you are now over the problem , or is it something that ’ s going to be with you for the rest of your career ?
CO : I feel a lot more confident these days , because it ’ s the best it has felt since grade 10 . I have almost full motion back in it , which I haven ’ t had for years . I ’ m really consistent with Pilates and strength work , so I ’ m continually working on getting that good strength , mobility and stabilisation in it . I think I will always have to be good with that stuff , but I think any athlete should be fairly good with that . I feel like it ’ s a problem that is hopefully in the past now , and something that I need to keep strengthening , but it ’ s not really going to be an issue going forward . But for instance , at Durban Marathon , when I fell at the finish line , that was a huge scare . I didn ’ t put out my hands and arms to stop my fall because I think I ’ d rather my face took the blow than my shoulder !
SF : Yes , I was circling round to that … Please tell me what happened at the Durban International Marathon .
CO : I was so excited as I came in to finish the race , because it was also the SA Champs race . The only national title I had won before that was a 4km SA Cross-Country Champs title a few years back , but this felt like my first really big win . The problem was that they didn ’ t drop the finish line tape properly , and somehow it wrapped around my feet and tripped me . Next thing I knew , the ground was rushing towards me , and I only had a split second to think about it . As I said , my biggest fear , and first thought , was my shoulders , so I knew I couldn ’ t put my arms out . That meant I landed on my face , but it actually didn ’ t feel that hard at first . However , my mum was there , and she said that when I stood up , my face just instantly swelled , and my eyes started closing . And then as
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the day went on , it just got really , really bruised and turned blue . |
I still don ’ t really know what went wrong that day with the ribbon . I don ’ t know if they should have held onto it a little bit longer , or if they should have dropped it earlier , or whether I should have grabbed it with my hands . I think they dropped it a little bit late and it wrapped around my feet , and then I just tumbled and I landed on my face .
SF : I ’ m inclined to say they dropped it too early , because if you ‘ collect it ’ across your chest , your arms tend to catch it automatically , but if they drop it too early , it starts coming down towards your thighs before you ’ ve even crossed the line , and then it wraps around your legs . Sadly , I ’ ve seen it happen at a number of races …
CO : I think the one must let go and the other one must just hold on , because if you watch the video in slow motion , the one girl lets go of the tape and the other one yanks it , and that ’ s when it wraps around my feet . Sadly , that finish line experience went from such a high to such a low in a split second , and I would love to know what they ’ re actually supposed to do with the finish line tapes , because I now have a little bit of a fear about running through a finish line tape again . A marathon is hard enough as it is without having to worry about getting injured when you win a race !
SF : As I understand it , you actually suffered more than one injury from that fall , and it couldn ’ t have come at a worse time , with the Olympics looming on the horizon .
CO : We didn ’ t quite know what was wrong after Durban , because I wasn ’ t feeling so great , with dizziness and nausea . Then it was diagnosed as concussion , so I had to take some time off training . Once I slowly started getting back into running again , I was still doing short , easy runs , but now something else didn ’ t feel right . Within two or three days it became really sore and uncomfortable , so I had it checked out and my medical team found that my ab had torn off the wall . They reckon it was from the rotation as I fell , because they said they ’ d never seen
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SF : I know the next section of this chat isn ’ t easy to talk about . You were abused when younger , but I ’ ve read that you feel comfortable to speak openly about it , and how this has posed challenges for you , led to depression and self-harming , and that ’ s why running became both an escape and a coping mechanism . Can I ask you to share some of your story , please ?
CO : Sure . It happened when I was a young kid , and I blocked it out for a few years , but I think that in that period of blocking it out , I became depressed and anxious . The problem was that I didn ’ t quite know what I was dealing with , or why , but I knew running was an escape . It was something that felt good , and it was time where I wasn ’ t sitting at home , feeling sad and wanting to do silly things . It was a good escape .
It was only in 2018 , when I was studying sports psychology , that I started having flashbacks about what happened to me . In our course , they spoke about the signs that children would have if they have gone through trauma , and I sat there thinking I had that , and that , and that . Then I began thinking , these are all things I struggled with as a kid , so is something going on here ? I think that ’ s what triggered my flashbacks , but it didn ’ t feel real at first , and I was in denial . Later came the realisation that it was true , and that it was something that I had to deal with .
I now understand that it was not my fault , and I wasn ’ t just doing things because I was being silly , or I wasn ’ t just depressed in school because I was being a difficult teenager . I actually had something that I was dealing with , and I didn ’ t know how to . I think I ’ m still dealing with it today , because I don ’ t think it ’ s something that you can just say , okay , I ’ ve gone for counselling and I have figured it all out . It ’ s an ongoing process of learning things about myself , which has given me the space to forgive my younger self for things that I did as a coping mechanism while growing up .
I ’ m a few years clean of self-harming now , and I really try to hold myself accountable for it , but I know that if I do get depressed , move into a bad space , or become a bit anxious or overwhelmed , and I do lean back towards that again , then I have a really good support set-up in place now , where I have people I
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