Mindset Self-Defense Volume 1, Issue 2 -The Back To School Safety Issue | Page 7

Integrative Self Defense
Upholding your boundaries
Written by Kris Costa

Self-defense is about personal boundaries, and the enforcement of them. Easy to
say, hard to de?ne. There are many different kinds of personal boundaries. There
are physical, emotional, and spiritual spiritual boundaries, and they are yours to
de?ne and uphold.

YOUR MIND: ?ink of personal boundaries as your comfort system. ?ey are the limits of
interaction that you are comfortable being around or engaged in. Identifying your personal
limits is a part of what creates your identity. Without personal limits, a human being would be
completely manipulated by the wants, needs, likes, and dislikes of those around him. Without
personal boundaries, there would be little “self ”, even less self-esteem, and eventually one would
become so entrenched and molded by what is happening around them, that they would
eventually loose control of their own sense of being. With a life dictated by those who surround
them, there would be no beginning or end to one’s own self. Lost, scary, dependent, and ever
self-judging, those without well defined personal boundaries and ways to enforce them, find
themselves at the mercy of the ever changing approval of others, always at a great cost.
When a baby is born, he/she is reliant on caregivers to enforce protective boundaries. Caregivers
are expected to protect, nurture and teach so that the child can develop into all it can be and
hence, bestow its gi?s upon the world. As children grow and develop, they experiment with their
boundaries, pushing, pulling, testing, to see what fits best for them (hopefully still within the
watchful eye of the caregiver, who has set the appropriate boundaries for their experimentation).
As a child grows to independence, ideally a strong foundation for their own personal boundaries
has been embedded, and deviances from core self values are minor, and in the motion of selflearning and self-advancement, for the rest of their lives.
Problems with self-esteem results when healthy personal boundaries are not taught and/or
respected, or when developing minds have witnessed ongoing examples of disrespect, and abuse
of the boundaries of others. Acknowledgment and respect of personal boundaries are important
not only for the self but in terms of the behavior extended toward others as well. We cannot
thrive in a social vacuum, and it is unfortunately all to clear, that violations of personal
boundaries are occurring every day around the world. ?is must stop. ?e beginning of the end
of such violations starts with each and every one of us defining and enforcing our boundaries, so