Non-Reactivity practice
Active Listening, HEAR, Check the Facts, and Positive Events
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feeling frustrated,” and even “I can
4. Use engaged body language: Show that you are engaged and interested by making eye contact, nodding, facing the other person, and maintaining
5. Avoid judgment: Your goal is to understand the other person’s perspective and accept it for what it is, even if you disagree with it. Try not to interrupt with counter arguments or mentally prepare a rebuttal while the other person is speaking.
6. Avoid giving advice: Problem-solving is likely to be more effective after both conversation partners understand one another’s perspective and feel heard. Moving too quickly into advice-giving can be counterproductive.
7. Take turns: After the other person has had a chance to speak and you have engaged in the active listening steps above, ask if it’s okay for you to share your perspective. When sharing your perspective, express yourself as clearly as possible using “I” statements (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when you don’t help out around the house”). It may also be helpful, when relevant, to express empathy for the other person's perspective (e.g., “I know you’ve been very busy lately and don’t mean to leave me hanging..”)
HeAR Exercise
Time: 5-7 minutes
Goal: Same as Active Listening, but a bit quicker
Active listening helps listeners better understand others' perspectives and helps speakers feel more understood and less threatened. This technique can prevent miscommunication and spare hurt feelings on both sides. By improving communication and preventing arguments from escalating, active listening can increase relationship satisfaction and longevity. Practicing active listening with someone close to you can also help you listen better when interacting with other people in your life, such as students, co-workers, or roommates.
HALT – Halt whatever you are doing and offer your full attention
ENJOY — Enjoy a breath as you choose to receive whatever is being communicated to you—wanted or unwanted.
ASK — Ask yourself if you really know what they mean and if you don’t, ask for clarification. Instead of making assumptions, bring openness and curiosity to the interaction. You might be surprised at what you discover.
REFLECT — Reflect back to them what you heard. This tells them that you were really listening.